Posted in mental health

Taking the power back!

Hey everyone,
Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too, as you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. I feel so emotional at the moment and I am trying to push the walls back that are closing in on me by working through my emotions as best as I can. It is like everywhere I turn there is a reminder of what is fucking with my head which then makes me feel so weak. “You will never be good enough” is on a loop inside my mind and I just wish that I could ignore it but it is not so easy. The thing is I don’t want to sound like a broken record anymore, I want to see myself rise above this. The problem with that is depression is like quicksand, you don’t always see it coming no matter how cautious you are and once you step foot in it you are stuck, it not so easy to pull yourself out of it and sometimes you need a helping hand to get out.
I don’t want to feel like this, I don’t want to feel so fucking broken anymore. I want my power back.

Taking the power back!

It is not so easy to deal with depression or anxiety or mental illness in general, it can feel like your triggers hold your power. Which can make you feel so scared of this fucking world. Never knowing whether something will trigger you or not and end up overthinking the situation and triggering yourself.
These days triggers are everywhere because of social media creating new types of anxiety that didn’t exist twenty plus years ago, that’s fucked up when you think about it. Our parents and grandparents didn’t worry about the perfect selfie or upsetting family members or friends on Facebook because you didn’t tag them in a post. We are living in a world that feeds off anxiety and I’ve got enough issues I don’t need to add anymore.
We need to take the power back. You are fucking enough, it doesn’t matter how many likes your posts have. You are worthy of love, it doesn’t matter how many followers you have. You deserve to live not just exist in this world. Take the power back.
I am going to end this post with a great song that is in my playlist for when things get a little too much.

 

Take care,

Vixxy Rose

xxx

Posted in mental health

Life is a story, not a script.

Hey everyone,
Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too, as you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. I am getting on my own nerves at the moment. There have been moments this week where I have honestly been tempted to slap myself and tell myself just to shut the fuck up. I think I could have won an award for moaning this week, as that’s all I have done. There is nothing wrong with moaning, don’t get me wrong but I’m having a moan about things that I should be used to, and no about of moaning is going to make me feel better. It may sound like I am feeling harsh on myself, but things are already hard enough at the moment I don’t need to add self-pity into the mix. That would be a recipe for disaster or maybe the right combination for me to go full emo again, either way not good.

So today’s tip of the day is

Life is a story, not a script.

I have never been any good at listening to any type of authority. because firstly I don’t trust people that easily and secondly I am a stubborn cow. I think we are living in a world where we are told how to act, what to wear, and how to eat. There are these unwritten rules that everybody knows that keeps getting longer and longer. Which in turn makes it harder to follow them, which can then make people miserable. When people chose not to follow those rules then they are instantly labelled something negative like fat, crazy, lazy and weird. I hold my hands up, there have been many times where I have followed unwritten rules or felt bad for not following them.
So I say fuck the rules! Fuck being told we are living our life wrong, and fuck it if people want to call me a weirdo. I am not asking others to live my life, no, all I am asking is for others to let me live my life in peace. Life is a story, not a script. We write our own story, so don’t let anyone try and write it for you.

Take care,
Vixxy Rose

Posted in mental health

If I were honest…

Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human.
I have wanted to do something like this for a while and there have been many things that have held me back from doing so. Am I ready to be fully honest with myself? Do I want to risk offending people? Then I think to myself, I am being a hypocrite if I preach about accepting oneself and being proud of who you are if I can’t be honest with myself. There are many things that I wanted to be honest about and this may come across as moaning or ranting but I honestly don’t give a fuck anymore. This is my space and I like to think people read this because they are genially interested in what I have got to say! I have never really sugar coated my words but I have been mindful of avoiding certain subjects.

If I were honest…

If I were honest at this moment in my life I am getting annoyed more and more about things that are out of my control, my anxiety loves that! It is getting to a point where I am fucking annoying myself about how annoyed I am getting because all I seem to do is moan about my eyes, my mental illness, my family, the state of the world and Brexit. I joke about how I am ok with being grumpy and even try and convince myself I am the reincarnation of Daria (Google it if you don’t know who she is). If I were honest though, I am not ok with being grumpy I really wish i could be more positive and cheerful. If I were honest, I worry, that’s why I don’t have many friends. If I were honest, I spend a lot of time feeling very lonely, I don’t feel I fit in anywhere, my family, my friends, my job and the mental health community. I find the world very clicky and I have witnessed some things recently online that shook me to my core. To see gang mentality used within the mental health community is fucked up. I sat back though as I don’t want that gang mentality sent my way.

Don’t preach about what a mental health advocate should be, we can’t walk in everyone’s shoes and we can only share our own journey. If I were honest, I do believe we should be able to stick up for ourselves and defend what we believe, but there is a fucking proper way of doing things, Twitter shouldn’t be used as a playground.
Our voices are so fucking important, we want to end the stigma right? we want to speak up for those who don’t have the courage to, right? we want to be able to do it without the fear of being judged, right? This is me not taking aim at anyone or condoning actions that are deemed as wrong. No, this is me being honest saying our voices can be powerful, we can evoke change, help others, share our journey and be the light in the darkest of times for one another. That voice though shouldn’t be used as a tool for intimidation and judgment. I wouldn’t be here writing this blog if it weren’t for the support I have received from the mental health community these past two years and I just want the safe place that has helped me during the darkest of times to stay that way, safe.

Take care,
Vixxy Rose
xxx

Posted in mental health

The subtle art of not giving a fuck – book review.

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. So as promised this is my review on the book, The subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson. I came across this book last year when I was in a book shop and it intrigued me but I didn’t buy it. It wasn’t until a month ago that I was looking for a book for my partner that I came across it again and thought fuck it lets give it a go.

The subtle art of not giving a fuck – review.

This book hits you straight away with it not being a sugar-coated self-help book and straight away after a few pages, I was hooked. The first few chapters really spoke to me, as it is about how when we aim too high we are casting a cloud over our current life. I thought the story it starts with about Charles Bukowski was a fucking perfect beginning of the book. The sad, twisted but inspirational tale of someone who went after his dream but in his own way of not giving a fuck.
The book then talks about today’s culture of how social media has created a generation filled with anxiety as we can now see a small window into each other’s lives and what we see makes us look upon our owns life with disgust. Which can then lead us into a vicious cycle of wanting more but not accepting we have.
The book is full of quirky antidotes and stories from his life and others but it is not written in such a clever no-nonsense kind of way. The writer is not saying he has all the answers and you must believe everything he says, instead, it feels like a friend giving you advice over a couple of drinks when you start talking about life.
For me, this book is an 8 out of 10 and I highly recommend it. If you are looking for a straight to point book that doesn’t beat around the bush , ten this is for you. If you are looking for a book that helps you see, that you don’t have to take everything so seriously all the time and help show you life is about living and not about what we have to show off to the world, then this is for you. We live in a world where anxiety is a click of a button away and this book is a great guide into not giving a fuck if your life isn’t picture perfect and that sometimes the less we care at certain times, the more we can get out of life.
Take care,
Vixxy Rose
xxx

Posted in podcast, Uncategorized

New Honest Tea podcast episode ⭐️

Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. This is just a short blog post so don’t worry none of my usual rambling. Been an up and down kind of week and right now I am tempted to build a bunker in my garden and stay there for a while or eat a shit ton of cake, hmm maybe I could do both?!

Anyway I really want to make a real proper go at my podcast and a new episode is available to listen too. This episode is all about adulthood and the ups and downs of adulting and also how me and partner are trying to not to worry about the rules of being an adult and doing our own thing.

You can find it :

Buzzsprout : https://www.buzzsprout.com/249927/997713-episode-2-adulthood

ITunes : https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/honest-tea-podcast/id1450759231?mt=2&i=1000432054180

Spotify : https://open.spotify.com/episode/1US3Lj1IhFobd8aotH21x2?si=iXzg2KAGSgSLhMwwi94PVA

Thank you in advance and if you have any feed back, please leave a comment.

Take care,

Vixxy Rose

Xxx

new episode of honest tea is now available to listen to on :

• iTunes – itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/hon…

• Spotify – open.spotify.com/episode/1US3Lj…

• buzzsprout -buzzsprout.com/249927/997713-…

Posted in Uncategorized

International Womens Day – Gabbie Hanna.

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. So today is International women’s day and I thought I would do a post dedicated to a woman who I admire. The thing is there are so many women out there who I admire and think are fucking amazing. In the social age we live in today women have grown more powerful, I still think there is still a long way to go but I think the steps are slowly being made for women to be seen as equal. I don’t just mean as equal compared to men but to one another. More women from different races and cultures are forming bonds and that wouldn’t be possible without social media. Women are starting to see what makes them different isn’t a problem but a fucking superpower and using that power to inspire others. Do I think that all women are using their power for good? NO, I am not blind. Women are still being pressured about the way their body should look like and most of that pressure now is done by women. I’m talking about women who for some reason think it ok to promote and message people about fucking weight loss products. Honestly, it is dangerous and so damaging. As women, we should be lifting one another up not knocking each other down.

So today I am dedicating today’s post to…

Gabbie Hanna

Now, this may get mixed responses but I don’t give a fuck if you don’t like her because I’m not asking you to. The reason I chose Gabbie is down to her sheer resilience and how outspoken she has been about mental illness. If you don’t know who she is, Gabbie is a YouTuber who has also written an amazing poetry book called Adultolescence and has recently released the most powerful and emotional music I have heard in such a long time. Gabbie has found herself in hot water a few times and recently it became a thing where you either loved or hated her. The thing about Gabbie that she is not blind to her mistakes and her faults. She knows she’s very sensitive and awkward and also a bit of an attention seeker. She is not perfect and that is what I love about her. I came across Gabbie on YouTube a few years ago and she was talking about her anxiety and going to therapy and it really hit me as this was before I started blogging. I found someone who I could relate too about my own abandonment issues, anxiety and depression and how it  made me question as whether I was the monster. She is definitely one of the reasons why I started to feel comfortable about openly talking about my issues with anxiety and depression. I found myself rooting for her as she started her journey about learning to love her body and improve her relationship with food. I found it so inspiring to see this person who has a following and influence on young girls to go about it in a way of not aiming to just be skinny but healthy.
Her recent music has really affected me deeply and it was like someone crawled inside my head and wrote what they found up there. From the line from monster reborn “Am I my mother’s daughter, please someone prove me wrong” to Medicate “turning tragedies to a work of art”. I not only think she is an amazing role model for her sheer openness about her struggles and also her achievements. Also, I think that she shows people you don’t have to put yourself in a box, through hard work you can go after your dreams and having mental health problems does not define who you are.

Take care,
Vixxy Rose
xxx

Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health

Don’t listen to the green-eyed monster.

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. So it has been a weird week mentally, even though I have the dark clouds floating above me, I can’t cry. The thing is I want to cry I know that sounds weird, I just know a good cry will do me good but the tears won’t come. Have I used up all my tear? I even googled this shit because I am a crier and this is freaking me out. Then it hit me. The dark clouds are not floating above me because I am sad, they are there because I got myself a little lost and I am feeling a bit hopeless at the moment. This is the magical fucked up thing with depression and a low mood cycle with bipolar, even though sadness can play a role sometimes it is not the definition of it. Right now a lot of my emotions are on off mode, this is a hard and weird head space to be in because you can lose the sense of direction rather quickly. It is like being lost in a jungle with no map or compass to guide you back to your path. Fun times!
On a lighter note, my new podcast Honest Tea will be coming out this weekend! Working towards this podcast and working on my artwork have kept me sane these past few weeks and I can’t wait to show you what I have been working on!

So today’s tip of the day is –

Don’t listen to the green-eyed monster.

It is so easy to compare your life to another person, especially with social media these days. I have been guilty of listening to the green-eyed monster numerous times. Why don’t I have that? Why are they doing better than me? Why does life keep knocking me down and lift them up?
Is the grass really greener on the other side or are you casting a shadow over your own grass? The thing is no one’s life is perfect we all have issues we have things we would like to change about ourselves if we were honest. Are we putting our energy into the wrong thing? The more we focus on the negative parts of our lives the bigger the shadow gets over the grass. If we spent more energy on focusing on the positives in our lives then we wouldn’t we wouldn’t care about whose grass is greener.
Also, the green-eyed monster and the bitch of anxiety are best friends they go everywhere together. Don’t sell yourself short because what you see on a screen, at the end of the day that is what anxiety wants you to do. So if you find social media is bringing out the worst in you take a break and live in the moment, don’t let the green-eyed monster or anxiety define who you are.

Take care all,
Vixxy Rose
Xxx