Coping mechanisms are for everyone.

Hey everyone!

So let’s talk about coping mechanisms, we all have them as they come in many shapes and sizes. Who can’t function in the morning without a large dose of caffeine? Coping mechanism. Who has used alcohol or smoking to help deal with stress? Coping mechanism. Who has a certain friend that they feel more comfortable with about opening up? Coping mechanism. Who has started a blog to help deal with things they struggle with daily? (me) Coping mechanism. The reason why coping mechanisms come in different shapes and sizes is because we are all different, and situations can affect us all differently.

There are some bad coping mechanisms and some good ones. I find the bad ones are more of a quick fix for a situation, whcih then can lead to them coursing more damage long term, than the original thing. Bad coping mechanisms are just like putting a bandaid on a cut that needs stitches, sooner or later that cut is going to get worse and the bandaid can only deal with so much.
Good coping mechanisms I find are the things that help gradually and you have to build on them. We can be put off using them becausein order for them to be effective we have to be playing ball. We can’t use relaxation coping mechanisms if we are not willing to relax and we can’t use support mechanisms if we are not willing to talk.
How well a coping mechanism works for us depends on us. It is about being open and honest with yourself and be willing to try different things. I started drawing about a year ago, I have never been artistic really, but the more I was using creativity as a coping mechanism the more it was helping me. I was able to channel things I struggled to speak about into something positive.
Life is hard and we all need coping mechanisms at some point in our lives. Whether you are meeting up with a friend to talk about your issues, meditating to help deal with stress or creating music or art to help with a traumatic situation, coping mechanisms are for everyone.

Take care,
Vixxy Rose
xxx

An imperfect life.

Hey everyone,

I have just got back from a lovely couple of days away with my partner and some friends at the seaside. Some may say being stuck in a caravan with the rain pelting down a disaster of a time. With the right people though and the task of who could find the best jokes and let’s just say the jokes got more and more depraved as the time went on, it was far from a disaster, it was perfect. We don’t need everything to be perfect for it to be good, because imperfection is not a flaw, it’s just life. 

I am dealing with a lot of anxiety at the moment because of imperfection. I am not perfect, my relationship is not perfect, my friendships aren’t perfect and so basically my fucking life is not perfect. I am struggling with the fact that I can’t control any of that and that’s a difficult thing to accept, especially for someone who is a bit of a control freak and has abandonment issues. I am just a girl standing in front of the world screaming accept me, instead of being the girl in front of a mirror saying love me. 

There is so much pressure in the world at the moment and it can feel can feel like we can’t do right from wrong. 

  • Are we doing enough for the environment and this planet?
  • Are we eating the right foods?
  • Are we exercising enough?
  • Are we looking like how social media tells us to look like? 
  • Are we moaning too much?
  • Are we not moaning enough? 
  • Are we taking care of our mental health enough?
  • Are we being too selfish? 

Honestly, it is a fucking whirlwind and how the fuck are we not going to get anxiety from all of this. My life is a bit of a mess at the moment and I am sure a lot you lot feel that way too because we are being dictated from every direction on how we should be living our lives. We are a generation that works to live while having a lot of access to people who aren’t living that type of life, that in itself can really damage a person. How can we be happy with what we got when what we got is a struggle?

It is hard out there guys and I don’t have all the answers. What I am learning though and what I will say is that you may feel like your life is a mess or a struggle but be proud of that life. You may feel like your life is not perfect but it is yours, and yours alone and it has been shaped by your ups and your downs and most importantly it’s yours to live. 

Take care,

Vixxy Rose

Xxx

Therapy 8 – minding my own damn business!

Hey everyone,

Today was my last day of therapy, these past 8 weeks have flown by, and I am honestly so sad it is over. I know I can refer back if I want to but I rfelt that I had found a therapist that I could really open up to and they can’t guarantee I would get the same therapist again. Yes, it has been a hard and painful experience, but I know I have made some good steps forward. I am scared of messing that up and going backwards, as I don’t want to go back to that place. I guess time will tell and I need to put faith in myself that I can do this, as it was my choice to go to therapy, it was my decision to open up and my actions that have moved me forward.
These past 8 weeks have made me see I need to go on medication for my anxiety, I can’t keep doing this on my own. I have also learned that I should question my diagnosis and go back to my doctors about being reassessed as my therapist thinks I am dealing with C-PTSD. Also, I have spent most of my life putting others first which has contributed to my feelings of abandonment.

I could go on and tell you about the weird and wonderful places of my mind, the trauma and the past events that have caused some of the damage. Instead, I want to use this post to tell anyone out there who is struggling and questioning whether to get help and tell them what have you got to lose! Yes, I am not cured of my issues and my mental health problems but I have a better understanding of it now. It gave me a place to vent to a person who didn’t judge me and didn’t tell me to look on the fucking bright side. I am now on a better footing to not let those things keep controlling my life, and I have hope for the first time in a long time that I am going to be ok.
I am going to end this with a small bit of something that my therapist read to me at the end of our session today.

What I think and what I feel is my business. What you think and what you feel is your business. When I’m worried about how you feel about me, I’m in your business. And if I’m busy living in your business, how am I present for my own business?
Living according to our own truth is one of the highest acts of self-love and self-care. And when you live accordingly to your truth and stay in your own mental business, others will honour you and the truth you live, too, whether they agree with you or not.

Take care,
Vixxy Rose
xxx

Anxiety Hangover.

Hey everyone,

So I have just come back from unplugging from social media and my blog for a few days as I just needed that time in the real world where I wasn’t concerned about the online world. It has been a big couple of days, as my partner’s mom got married and I just wanted to live in the moment and experience it without thinking I should do a post or sharing this or that. The wedding day was amazing, and I am so happy for them both as they truly deserve all the love in the world. Even though there was a tiny hint of anxiety and a bit of a dress malfunction, I threw myself into the day as best as I could. I even let my hair down by drinking a little too much and having some questionable dance moves on the dance floor. It wasn’t till the next day when my boyfriend was going through the hangover from hell that I started to go through a different type of hangover.

Anxiety Hangover.

It was like anxiety was secretly hiding throughout the day, spying and collecting information about the day. like a damn dossier to use against me in the next coming days. I literally woke up with the shakes and feeling sick and not because of the alcohol consumption from the night before, unlike my partner, but because I woke up with a bombardment of anxiety.
My mind was literally screaming at me, ” WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!”. Like it was a bad thing to have a loss of control and to let my hair down, like it was a crime to enjoy myself and like it was stupid of me to think I could go through it without anxiety making her bitchy self known. Like how dare I? So yesterday while my partner was making friends with the toilet, I was experiencing flashbacks and twitching because anxiety was telling me all the things she had gathered about me from the day, lucky me.


“You were too fat for that dress.”
‘ No one actually likes you.”
‘ They were laughing at you, not with you.”
‘You looked like a twat.”
‘They think you are not good enough for your partner.”

Honestly, the bitch of anxiety has moaned on for the last two days and my partner’s hangover was fine after a day, while my anxiety hangover is still ongoing, how is that fair? It has started to slow down and not as intense which means I am not twitching every 5 minutes. I twitch when I have flashbacks if you didn’t know that fun fact about my anxiety.
The thing is, I have to now make a conscious effort to try and not let the anxiety hangover ruin the memories from the day, which ain’t so easy. Anxiety has a way of making not only you suffer but also taint your memories and your experiences.

So unlike my partner’s hangover, my anxiety hangover can’t be solved with hydrating, sleep, painkillers and junk food. Instead, I am using my self-care tools like creativity, me time and talking about it, oh and buying a shit load of new stationery to make me feel better!

Take care,
Vixxy Rose
xxx

The line is a dot to some people.

Hey everyone,

Have you ever had someone cross over the line with you? Have you ever felt that some people just don’t see the line? Or maybe they did see the line but still stomped their muddy feet all over it?
Boundaries are so important when it comes to relationships and boundaries can change person to person. The boundaries you have with one friend may not be the same boundaries you have with another. Sometimes you have to inform the person about the boundaries you need to have, and some people just automatically know, it’s like they can just read your mind, weird.

Why are boundaries so important?

Well, some of us have been hurt in life and just aren’t comfortable in sharing everything with everyone, and we also we form different bonds with different people and one type of relationship with one person may not work with another. Boundaries are how we keep ourselves mentally and physically safe, and I can’t stress enough that boundaries are really person-centred. Just because we have boundaries doesn’t mean we don’t love the people in our lives, instead, it means we are putting ourselves first and that is an okay thing to do.

Does it mean we are closed off?

Not necessarily, some of us do live in a fortress protected by a moat and canons and some of us just have a fence with a small gate. We all need to feel safe and some people just need a little bit more protection.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T tell me what it means to me?

Boundaries can change, but that is down to the person, one of the most important things you can do for someone is to respect their boundaries. Trying to cross that line may result in that line being moved further and further away. By letting that person know that you respect their boundaries and you are there for them can go a long way in that line becoming a door you can go through.

I have recently started to set clear boundaries with people instead of closing myself off completely or letting people treat my line as a doormat. I can’t please everyone, but I am doing what is important to my own mental wellbeing. I am starting to understand that yes some of my walls do need to come down with some people but stay up with others and if people can’t respect that then that’s their problem, not mine.

I think we have all experienced someone crossing over the line with us and it is not a pleasant experience, it doesn’t make us go and put a welcome sign up on the walls but instead we add barbwire. One of the hardest things to remember is not everyone is out to hurt us and will cross that line. By reacting to that hurt by adding more walls for everyone can make a person feel lonely and damage our mental health instead of protecting it. So remember when you are setting the boundaries that it doesn’t have to be one set of rules for everyone.
It is easier said than done, trust me I know from experience but it is not impossible to turn a fortress into fences with gates that are locked and which only certain people have a key to.

Take care,
Vixxy Rose
xxx

Isn’t it funny…

Hey everyone,

These past few days I have been riding that emotional rollercoaster and some of it has been down to the impending visit of mother nature in the next few days, fun times! I have just got a lot on my plate and most of it I have no control over, I really wish that before I came an adult I was warned about shit like this. Just a pamphlet would have been nice, warning me of the following when it comes to adulthood:

  • A lot of things are out of your control, that is just life get on with it.
  • Underwear will eventually become uncomfortable at home. 
  • Mental health is important becuase many things will affect it. 
  • Stress and anxiety will be apart of everyday life.
  • Buying a new pair of comfy pyjamas will be at the top of your shopping list. 
  • A constant supply of Paracetamol will be needed.
  • Bills!
  • Tired will become your default mood setting.
  • Oh and forget about all those things you thought adulthood is going to be like as it is nothing like that.

So isn’t it funny that we are just expected to slot into adulthood and get on with it because that is what everyone else does and if you can’t do that there is something wrong with you? If it was so easy then we wouldn’t need to take care of our mental health, the planet wouldn’t be in such a crisis and someone would have come up with world peace by now.

There is nothing wrong with struggling with the pressures of adulthood, as no one is prepared for that shit.

 The only advice I have is to keep learning and to keep trying. I read self-help books, I love a good motivational quote and love a good cry. Just remember no one is perfect and adulthood is a fucking pain in the ass, you are not alone. 

Take care,

Vixxy Rose 

xxx

Time for some Honest Tea.

Hey everyone,

So guess who is going to be annoyingly plugging the new episode of her podcast over the next week or so,… Me! So I am just going to get it out of the way now, you can find it on iTunes, Spotify, this link http://honesttea.buzzsprout.com and there is also a link on my main page of this blog. So there is no excuse not to listen, your support really means the world to me and honestly, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to start this podcast if you weren’t for the amazing support I get with this blog, so thank you. There are still a few teething problems with it, but I am learning and hey nothing is perfect and unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about my Brummy accent, so just close your eyes and pretend you are listening to Peaky Blinders.

Unfortunately, I have had a rough time lately and it has felt like I have been living in a world of “I can’t.” I have been unable to work, I have struggled with my vision, my anxiety has been up my ass and my motivation took a long vacation. Picking myself up from this all has not been easy because most of the time I am the one knocking me down. I am trying though, by going to therapy, restarting my podcast, investing more time in my blog and doing my art, I am starting to see my self-worth again. I may not be completely up, but I am making good steps to getting to that point.

Life knocks us down, we knock us down, but we can stand back up and it won’t be straight away as it takes time, trust me though don’t count yourself out just yet. I may not always look on the bright side, but I do believe sometimes we just have to go through some bad shit in life because that’s life. We may come out of it battered and bruised mentally, but we do come out of it stronger.

Take care,
Vixxy Rose
xxx

Therapy 6 – I need a cup of positivitea!

Hey everyone!

*knock knock*
Who’s there?
Motivation?
Motivation who?
Sorry, wrong house!

– my life

Do you ever feel brimming with ideas but the motivation to follow through on them is nowhere to be seen? I just sometimes feel like slapping myself for wasting time, but I just feel so deflated to do anything. Like my housework at the moment consists of putting a throw on the sofa that needs vacuuming and fuck it I am not putting the dishes away from the dishwasher, I will just use it as a big cupboard. If my life was represented by a colour, it would be beige. I am just getting through one beige day to another, and the small amount of energy I have can just about handle beige. I wish I had the energy for red or orange or even yellow (my least favourite colour), but I don’t and that is frustrating.
I did go to therapy yesterday, so it went from beige to a bit of dark grey for a bit so beggars can’t be choosers, I guess. This was my sixth week in therapy, and it has gone so fast. I am only just getting used to being open and vulnerable and not feeling like a twat. So how did it go? Well…

Therapy 6 – I need a cup of positivitea!

You won’t need to look far to find my biggest critic, it is me! When something goes wrong in my life I get tunnel vision and that is all I can see and feel. I am giving my issues issues because I just can’t seem to escape from my own mind. Some of my anxiety comes from my lack of positivity because I am too focused on the things that I can’t control instead of what I can control. My therapist is pretty certain that I do have C- PTSD and because of my past as I have an instant distrust of the world. My emotions can feel overwhelming because I don’t know how to handle them and basically I created this beige world to live in.
Being positive can sometimes feel so foreign to me and I don’t give myself credit enough for things I do well and have overcome because I don’t see it.
I am making steps to be more positive I write a tiny victories list most week and making small changes can evoke big things. The thing is I need to open my eyes to it more and have a cup of positivitea as I do deserve it. I need to start working on my own self worth instead of just putting myself down all the time out of habit. I am never going to be the type of person to look on the bright side but I can be more open to more positivity in my life.
Take care,
Vixxy Rose
xxx

Tea stains and reflections.

Hey everyone,

Today I looked in the mirror and looked at what was left of my two day old pigtails, the tea-stained jumper and the way too big sweat pants and thought “fuuccckkk!”. I can’t decide if this is what thirty is supposed to look like. I am close to a breakdown or all the fucks I gave have left the building. You may think I may be a bit upset by that image before me and honestly yeah a little, but also kind of proud of who was staring back at me.
The girl with the tea-stained jumper is the same girl who would put make-up on every day even if she wasn’t leaving the house because she couldn’t stand to see her own face. The girl with the 2-day old pigtails was the same girl who has started getting her hair cut and dyed at a hair salon after years, I mean years of being too anxious to step foot in one. The girl with the oversized sweat pants was the same girl who is struggling with positive body image but is trying to get better.
We may not always feel our best or look our best, but we are doing our best, so remember the next time you judge your own appearance, remember how far you have come and also you are an adult you can wear what the fuck you want, so wear that onesie with pride!

Take care,
Vixxy Rose
xxx

Me and my Anxiety.

Hey everyone,

I feel like my anxiety has been affecting me the most recently. My therapist has recently helped me understand my anxiety a little bit more, and a lot of my anxiety comes from the critical parent side of me. I get anxiety about anxiety and I can end up in a circle of hell because of it. I have recently been trying to battle physical and mental health issues and my anxiety has been feeding off that battle.
I don’t sleep that well because my mind is run on the anxiety battery and don’t socialise that much because my mind is run on the anxiety battery and this anxiety battery can give Duracell a run for its money.
It can go on and on and on and there we have the circle of hell. I
I am getting better at dealing with my anxiety though, I have introduced more coping mechanisms in my life to help me and one of those things is writing. The other day I was close to an anxiety attack and decided to get out my notebook and write down what I was thinking. This is what I wrote.

The bitch of anxiety.

Her voice is so loud I can’t not hear her,
she wants to tell me I will never be.
I will never be okay,
I will never be loved,
I will never be accepted.

She is under my skin,
infecting everything she touches.
She can turn me against me,
by telling me I will always be.
I will always be rejected,
I will always be a failure,
I will always be lost.

She sucks the energy from a room,
she can leave me gasping for air.
She is my first and last thought,
the reason why I care.
I care too much about why?
I care too much about when?
I care too much about how?

Anxiety is here and she wants to be heard.

Why did I write that? I wanted, no needed to show myself that yes anxiety is real, but what anxiety makes me feel isn’t real. There is no truth behind what anxiety tries to convince us is the truth, but all the bad energy, negative thoughts and fears have to go somewhere. Anxiety feeds off it and then throws it back at us like it is gospel and we believe it because it comes from us.
Anxiety is a liar but a convincing one and we may not win every battle with it but that doesn’t mean we are failures it means we are warriors.

Take care,

Vixxy Rose
xxx