What is lost can be found…

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. In my weekend bubble and loving it! It has only been a day and my anxiety and irritability that has ruled my mind and life this week has dissipated a little. I honestly thought my weekend bubble wouldn’t be able to fix that, I was on the edge of giving up this week, as I just couldn’t see myself winning this battle and I was tired, so damn tired of feeling like a prisoner to my own mind.

This is one of the main problems with bipolar, swinging from feeling nothing to feeling everything can be exhausting and terrifying. It is like being stuck on a swing not being able to jump off, all you can do is keep pushing yourself forward in the hope one day you will be able to slam your feet back onto the ground.
Trying to explain to people that yes, it is a mental illness but it can also affect me physically, I can get heart palpitations, sweating, twitching and exhaustion. Isn’t it crazy how we can hide all of that with a smile!

Anyway on with my tip of the day – What is lost can be found…

We all can feel like that, can’t we? Lost.Wondering around in the dark not knowing where to turn or to keep on going, but what is lost can be found.

We all can feel like that, can’t we? Wondering around in the dark not knowing where to turn or to keep on going, but what is lost can be found. We might have to wait and rest before we find our way again but hope can be just around the corner.
I see it like this when we lose our keys and we search everywhere, under the sofa, coat pockets, turn our bags inside out and still no luck. Then when we stop for a minute and give our mind time to catch up there they are on the coffee table where we left them. Sometimes we need to take a step back and recharge and then we can find our way again.

Take care all

Vixxy rose
Xxx

What I have learned so far in my mental health journey…

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. I am tired, anxious and irritated, so as you can imagine it is a joy to be me and even around me right now. The bitch of anxiety has come out from under her rock with her bag of tricks to annoy me with during this manic cycle, yay me. I am at that point where someone could just say breathe too loudly near me and I want to rip their head off and then my anxiety reminds me what a bad person I am, so can’t win right now with my mind.
Anyway enough about me and my issues with wanting to rip heads off people whom breathe too loudly. I would like to say on a positive note that I have noticed and loved the amazing tweets and blog posts to do with mental health awareness week. So many people out there opening up and doing an amazing job in raising awareness and kicking the stigma attached to it in the arse! Kudos to you all!

My mental health awareness blog post is:

What I have learned so far in my mental health journey

This is what I have learned so far:

Many life lemons are thrown. I am constantly learning, adapting and improving. Those damn life lemons that you are supposed to turn into lemonade are irritating as hell and sometimes the lemon can hit you in the face or even knock you down. When that does happen it’s about learning to dust yourself off stamp on that lemon if you must and carry on.
You can lose a battle but doesn’t mean you will lose the war. I haven’t won every battle I have had with my mental health journey, I still have a long way to go in my eyes. But I know I have won battles along the way as I no longer self-harm, I am able to recognize the patterns in my cycles and I have my save place (my blog).
You are not alone. A big thing I have learned with my mental health journey, there are complete strangers who are willing to support you and help you when you need it. Those people really do help put up a middle finger to the stigma attached to mental illness.
There is no one size fits all. We are not meant to be clones we are individuals. Something may work for others but doesn’t mean it works for you. For example, I am a big believer in natural medication but that doesn’t mean that will work for others. Comparing our journeys to other people’s can hinder our own journey, crossing paths is ok but following someone else’s path could lead you in the wrong direction.

Take care all

Vixxy rose
Xxx

There is no reset button

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. My weekend bubble is about to burst and it will be Monday before we know it, I know that nearly every week I complain about this and every week a get on with things and go to work and do the “normal” things. The thing is that I am honestly starting to think that it is just a matter of time before I stick up my fingers to another job. I just think the more cycles I go through the more I am slowly starting to lose touch with reality, because if I can lose myself, I can lose my place in this world, can’t I?
Well, that is what is on my mind, as you can tell, it is not butterflies and rainbows or even a big stormy mess, more like a jigsaw that is being put together but some of the pieces are lost. This means I just have to dig down deep gather my strength and carry on until I do find those lost jigsaw pieces.

This leads me on to my tip of the day – There is no reset button.

If I was honest with myself and with you all I, I think about suicide a lot, it crosses my mind more often than I would like. Sometimes it is because I want to fade into the darkness other times is because I just want to reset this all in hope things would be different.
But life doesn’t come with a reset button.
We can’t rewind the past and we can’t fast forward to the future we can only live here is the present and yeah sometimes it is fucking hard and sometimes it is fucking great. At the end of the day we have only one button in life and that is play.

Take care all

Vixxy rose
Xxx

Don’t ask me that.

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. HELLO WEEKEND!!! And hello my weekend bubble, I got new pajamas to celebrate today and was even able to shop without extreme anxiety, so it is a double self-high-five for me today. I am so glad to be away from the working week for a couple of days, I need me time desperately. Since I have been feeling so disconnected from the real me recently, it is time to put me in the driving seat, work on things that will make me happy, not my bipolar or anxiety, just me.

So I am going to fill my weekend with little snippets of Vicky joy and make sure I make the most of my weekend as I feel a manic cycle heading towards me, so I don’t want to lose this time I have with myself without it being clouded with mental illness.

Let’s get the ball rolling with today’s post and have a little look at something that ignites a fire in all of our blood…

Don’t ask me that.

We all have experienced this at some point and it can cause irritation, eye rolls, and let’s not forget sarcastic replies. There are some questions that people can ask us that is like the equivalent of nails down a chalkboard. Sometimes there are generally harmless and with curiosity but there is the occasional time they are asked with ignorance.

Questions like these for example:

Are you just being dramatic?
Do you think it is just in your head?
Is depression just like being sad?
Are you crazy?
Do you think God is just punishing you?
How do you seem so normal?
I could go on, feel free to add yours in the comments. Do people expect us to wear badges saying I am crazy or just sat in a corner somewhere rocking and crying? These are the times we have to be the bigger person, instead of lashing out. There is still a lot of stigma attached with mental health so answering these questions can seem annoying but is necessary in helping to end the stigma attached to mental illness. As you never know the person asking those questions may be dealing with a mental illness and is afraid to get help because of said stigma and your answer may be the push that they need to get help.

Take care all

Vixxy rose
Xxx

Don’t forget who you are

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. Halfway through another working week and my second day back at work after a lovely few days camping at the seaside. I have never needed my weekend bubble so much, I feel like I have had time away from life and now life is back to throwing those life lemons at me at warp speed. I feel recharged from the weekend but with these lemons flying in from every direction, I am losing power fast.
Even though I feel like this, I also feel quite balanced weirdly enough. I don’t feel like I have any cycles on their way just feel generally me and I guess that’s why I am feeling overwhelmed. I don’t feel the panic of mania or the desperation of a low, I feel disconnected from just being me and working on normal things like; bills, work etc. I just have to spend some time with me and getting to know this part of me better and concentrate on keeping up with my self-care as it is just as important when out of a cycle.

My tip of the day is – Don’t forget who you are.

As you can tell I feel I have lost myself a bit with my bipolar and anxiety, I feel my mental illness has taken over my life. I have found myself worrying about whether to do something in case it sets off my anxiety or my bipolar and that is not a way to live. I have lost what my sparkle, what makes me, me.
I now realize how important it is to remember the parts of myself that have nothing to do with my mental illnesses. So I am going to start it as simple as I can. Once a week doing something just for me, not to help my anxiety or my bipolar, but for me.
For example:
• Buy a new book to read
• Go and have a coffee somewhere nice
• Watch my favourite film.
• Find a new recipe to try

So give it a go do things for you not just for your mental illness and keep that sparkle going.

Take care all

Vixxy rose
Xxx

Be you, let the arseholes be arseholes.

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. Guess who is not in her weekend bubble! No weekend pajamas for me, instead it’s going to be wellies and thermals as I am off camping. I can’t wait to get away for a few days by the seaside, I hope the weather is nice but I live in England so I will be happy if it doesn’t just rain all weekend.
This week has been stressful, I feel there is a cluster of storms heading towards me and I can’t seem to get out of the way, because of this, for the first time in a while I’ve really had the urge to self-harm. I haven’t self-harmed in 7 years but that doesn’t stop the urge popping up every now then. I usually get the urge when I feel hopeless and right now I feel hopeless. I can’t seem to escape the darkness that seems to be following me. I am proud of myself for not giving into those urges, I recognized the signs and my thoughts and I took back control. That definitely deserves a self-high five.

This is why I am glad I am getting away for a few days with my partner and friends, I need to not only recharge the old batteries but also clear the fog in the old noggin. I need to get strong again.

So my tip of the day is – Be you, let the arseholes be arseholes.

This world is full of some pretty amazing people, so many people out there trying to do good not only for themselves but for others too. But now and then you are going to bump into an arsehole, someone who spends so much energy trying to bring you down to their level. I have met my fair share of arseholes so far in life and I have sometimes been brought down to their level, but now I see that got me nowhere.

So my tip of the day is for myself too, I am just going to do me. I am not going to let arseholes change who I am. I don’t need their negativity affecting my mood because a negative does not make a positive.

Take care all

Vixxy rose
Xxx

Can we fix it… not always!

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. Can someone please tell me how we are nearly halfway through the year!! Like honestly how do I have 7 months left in my twenties!
I am having another week full of emotions and just life lemons coming in from every fucking where. I was saying to my partner that all I want is peace, I don’t care about money or possessions, just want a drama free peaceful life. I honestly don’t think I am going to get that, I think my life has been stained with some everlasting things that I can’t run from, so maybe peace for just a week or 2 will do me for now. As I am tired of being of being hit in the head with life lemons.

There is one thing I have learned this week and it has been a hard lesson to learn.
So my tip of the day is – Can we fix it… not always!

I am a fixer, a people pleaser you might say, and I can’t stand to see others in pain or suffering. I will always try my best to soothe others, which has caused me downfall a lot of times. I hate unsolved situations they can fester in my mind and can bring out that bitch of anxiety or that dark cloud of depression.
But that’s the thing though isn’t it, sometimes we can’t always turn lemons into lemonade, sometimes those lemons hit us and fall to the ground and just rot away. I know this all sounds pretty negative so far, but it really isn’t if we spent our whole trying to fix everything is that really living?
Sometimes a problem is not fixable and we have to walk away from that problem and that might be the lesson we need to learn, learning when to just walk away.
We may be some badass superheroes battling through life and mental illness, but sometimes we need to down our weapons and just focus on living instead of fixing.

Take care all

Vixxy rose
Xxx