Posted in blogmas

Follow that star!

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Christmas is next week, what the actual fuck! The closer we get to Christmas the closer we get to another year also and that is what is in my mind thinking about more at the moment. Thinking about another year weirdly makes me feel like I have had ice water dumped all over me. I get like this rush of anxiety and emotions and it takes my breath away. As I really don’t want a repeat of this year and my biggest fear is I will. Will I keep making the same mistakes or do I break that loop? So many questions but the answers need to come from me, as this is my story I need to write.
I’m so overwhelmed with it all, I feel like I just don’t know which way to turn and if those things I want are just out of my reach. So many things running through my mind, I have a lot of self-doubts but there is still that hope that I do deserve to make a happy life for myself.

Todays blogmas post day 17 is –

Follow that star!

I am not a religious person but I am aware of the basic story that is the nativity. For me, there is one part of the story that I find the most inspiring and I believe you don’t have to be religious to get inspired by it. The part that inspires me is the wise men following the star. The star to me represents hope. No one knows where their path is leading them and the thing that most of us carry inside us during those dark difficult times is hope. No matter how small the hope is it’s their guiding you along your path.
There has been times where I have wanted to throw in the towel because my life always feels like it is a struggle but sometimes against all olds I pick myself up and carry on. Most people with mental illness or mental health problems sometimes don’t know how they are going to feel every day; it can feel like your mind is flipping a coin every morning. Sometimes we just have to hold on and follow that star of hope that better days are to come…
Take care,
Vixxy Rose

xxx

Posted in blogmas

I am making a list and checking it twice…

 

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. As I am sat here watching home alone I can find myself relating to Kevin more and more. Did he moan and feel sorry for himself that he was home alone and dealing with burglars? No, he accepted he was afraid, formed a plan and kicked some ass! Don’t worry I won’t be turning my house into a death trap, but instead, I am going to start using my fear as a power source to push me forward.
Does this mean I am not going to ever have setbacks? No because I am going to get setbacks but I’ve got to keep trying because if I don’t then I am always going to wonder what if?

So today’s blogmas day 16 is –

I am making a list and checking it twice…

I remember writing my Christmas lists when I was younger, flicking through the catalog and practically writing down everything n the toy section, even the page and reference number for Santa. As you get older though that list can change and turn into something money can’t buy.
As you get older you start appreciating more and more the things money can’t buy. As you get older you release that the time you spend with family at Christmas is the real present.
So this year I made a list of things I wanted which included:

• To watch a couple of Christmas movies with my partner.
• To make gingerbread men (ninjabread men) and mince pies with my partner.
• Spend time with family.

Those are things that money can’t buy, memories. Memories that can help me through the dark times that Christmas can bring.
So we have just over a week left till Christmas – give it a go, make a list of things that money can’t buy that you could achieve by Christmas.
Take care,
Vixxy Rose

xxx

Posted in blogmas

Christmas can cost you physically and mentally.

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. So I have managed to be able to relax for a couple of Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Tonight I had a great time having my sister and her family over for a few hours. It really means the world to me to have a great relationship with my sister considering we didn’t have one for many years. To be able to get together as adults and talk about the good times and the bad and laugh about it is incredible.
Then after a good night, I get an email from my gas and electric supplier for a ridiculous amount, which sent my anxiety sky high. I know the bill is probably an error but not acceptable in my eyes I am afraid. Especially when it is sent to someone like me because now it will play on my mind now until it is sorted. I knew things were running too smoothly.

So blogmas post day 15 is –

Christmas can cost you physically and mentally.

Remember this Christmas to be sensible; don’t try to go above your limits if the consequences are too high. If something is above your price limit don’t put yourself in a position and get it and then wait for it to bite you in the ass. If seeing people or going to a Christmas party is going causing you to have a bad mental reaction there is nothing wrong with sitting it out. There are some battles we can overcome but when the price tag is our mental health is it worth paying?

Take care,
Vixxy Rose

xxx

Posted in blogmas

It is ok not to be ok at Christmas!

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. So I have managed to be able to relax for a couple of hours today, ignoring my mind and pushing the feelings of having the need to do something with my time. This may sound crazy but to me it’s not, I find it difficult especially when manic to switch off and sit down. Today has also been an emotional day for me as well, I think now I am approaching that time at Christmas where all the emotions and memories are starting to hit me. Even though it has been kind of my choice to isolate from family, it is not so easy to wrap your head around something you know is good for your mental health but means you miss out on something.
My family is complicated and they have been very outspoken about me blogging certain things. Maybe that is my own fault that I shouldn’t be so quick to share this part of my life with people who know me, but on the other hand, it is something I am so proud of myself for doing to be able to help myself and help others as well.
Tomorrow I am so excited though, I have my sister and brother-in-law coming over and 2 of my nephews in the evening as a pre-Christmas get together and it means the world to me to be able to have some type of Christmas with my family.

So now time for today’s blogmas post day 14-

It is ok not to be ok at Christmas!

Feelings are a big part of Christmas, there are so many emotions whirling around and it is easy to push the negative ones down and pretend they don’t exist, because who wants to be miserable this time of year? There is no rule that you have to be jolly, you are not Santa! Taking care of your mental health this time of year can mean many things and one of them is acknowledging that it is ok not to be ok.
There is a lot of false happiness of people just sticking on a smile to get through the holidays and the pressure that is linked to that is intense. To me it is more important you take care of yourself mentally then put on a fake smile to make others feel comfortable around you just because it is Christmas.
Look – you could listen to Christmas music 24/7 and cover yourself in glitter and watch Home Alone over and over again and yeah it could put a smile on your face, but do it for the right reasons. Don’t feel like you have to pretend for someone else, my partner knows I am struggling at the moment and won’t force me to act jolly because it is nearly Christmas he loves me for me not for the fake smile I can put on.

Take care,
Vixxy Rose

xxx

Posted in blogmas

I’m going to jingle all the way!

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Well, today anxiety has been breathing down my neck as I had made plans that were a change from my usual routine. I have just come back from meeting with an old friend who I have not seen for over a year. I had anxiety about leaving my house at night, I had anxiety about meeting her and I had anxiety about being a train. It was so frustrating and I nearly canceled but I released I haven’t really left my house this year to do much socializing on my own and it made me feel so sad. So I had to bulldoze my way through this shitty anxiety and get myself out! To me, the overwhelming sadness of not really leaving my house much this year was what beat the anxiety and I am so proud I got this victory today.

So now let’s move on to my blogmas post day 13 –

I’m going to jingle all the way!

Even though there is going to be some shitty moments Christmas and there are probably going be times where I am going to feel down, I am determined though to make some happy memories this year. This is my first Christmas in my own home and I can’t let the negativity take away from the joy I will be experiencing.
I think this is true for a lot of us instead of trying to have a perfect Christmas how about just try to make some great memories.
This year I have got a scrapbook and a Polaroid camera at the ready, I feel an actual camera is a better way of capturing real moments instead of trying to get the perfect selfie. As well of it taking away the pressure of doing everything perfectly, it is a simple and great way of letting you enjoy the Christmas season. So instead of trying to capture all of the moments I am going to live the moments and snap the occasional picture, as a memory last a lifetime.

Take care,
Vixxy Rose

xxx

Posted in blogmas

You don’t have to be lonely at Christmas.

 

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. I have officially lost the off switch for my mind, I really can’t find it anywhere, I have looked everywhere for it and it is somewhere in the abyss I call a mind. Is this a warning sign that a manic cycle is on its way? I wouldn’t be surprised if it was, as there are so many triggers this time of year. Many people might think a low mood cycle is the one that is likely to be triggered because of the emotional attachments to Christmas. We are forgetting though, that this time of year people are trying to get organized and do 100 things at once to get ready for Christmas. So it is just as easy to trigger a manic cycle by not giving your mind a rest from the Christmas season.
The upside of being like this is I am getting so much shit done and making the steps to getting back to a mentally better place. This is the thing with mental illness, yes it can have a negative effect on my life but sometimes I really can see the silver lining to having a mental illness. I can’t live my life thinking woe is me because where is that going to get me? I have to be able to live my life to the best it could be and learn to take the good with the bad.
Today’s blogmas post day 12 post is –

You don’t have to be lonely at Christmas.

I said in my last post that anyone could be classed as family that it doesn’t always necessarily mean blood. We can get through this holiday season together as family. This is a great time of year where a lot of people are jolly and spreading the love. This is also a time of year where there are a lot of triggers out there for people and can have a damaging effect on people’s mental health or illness.
I just want to remind people to reach out to someone if things get too much or if you notice someone is struggling to reach out to them. You are NOT alone, we need to remember this during the holiday season that there are people out there who are feeling similar things to you and you don’t have to deal with it on your own. To me, the greatest gift you can gift to someone is showing them you care.
Additionally here are some links to some helplines for the UK and USA and if you are from somewhere else please if you can leave a list of helplines for your country in the comments.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/

https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-referral-resources

Take care,
Vixxy Rose

xxx

Posted in blogmas

Surviving families at Christmas.

 

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. I am still finding it so difficult to completely relax and switch off while being signed off. I know it has only been a few days but every time I try and sit down my mind is like “I don’t think so”, which then seems to be an invitation for my anxiety. The funny thing is I was already supposed to be off this week anyway even if I weren’t signed off sick; this is how bonkers my mind is! I always feel guilty if I am not doing enough or doing something productive. I wouldn’t mind if that was productive thinking within its self to get me motivated because sometimes honestly I still end up procrastinating and try to trick my mind into thinking I am doing something when I am not.
Well, that is the wonderfulness of my mind,  it feels the need to be busy but can’t be arsed to do anything. So no wonder anxiety comes knocking now and then, as I really do put out a welcome mat at times. I am my own worst enemy.

Today’s blogmas day 11 post is –

Surviving families at Christmas.
Now when I told my partner I was doing this post he laughed out loud and said you have avoided your family for the last 5 years at Christmas. To be honest, he is right (don’t tell him that), I have avoided my family for the last 5 years and this year I won’t be breaking that tradition. If you are an avid reader of my blog you will know I don’t have the best relationship with most of my family apart from my siblings and plus my family is, to put it bluntly, are fucking broken. Even though I chose to separate myself doesn’t stop me from grieving and struggling with that decision. As Christmas is about family and spending time with the people you love. I know it is the best decision for me mentally though even if it is a hard one to make.
There are many of us out there who don’t see our family at Christmas for many different reasons and sometimes that decision is out of our hands. So really what advice could I give about surviving families a Christmas?
Well this is my advice. Family doesn’t always mean blood, if you are with people who you care about and care about you, then that is your family. Family comes in all shapes and sizes and no family is the same so why does it matter if your family is made up of friends, partners, blood relatives, and pets or even a mixture! Don’t let the pressure to survive Christmas with people classed as ”family’ make you do something that could be damaging for you mentally. As sometimes the family you need to be with are the ones you don’t feel the need you survive with.

Take care,
Vixxy Rose

xxx