Lately, I have been thinking about that funny old thing we call life and all the fun stuff that comes with it. You know what I mean, the heartache, the love, the pain, the laughter, the memories and all the bits in between.
I have been thinking about how introverted I have become and the effect that has had on my life and this is what I wrote:
I drown myself in words and pencils, drawing and writing about my emotions in the hope I don’t have to feel them anymore. I say fuck you to the world around for not accepting me at the same time knowing I have struggled to accept myself also. I am so embedded in my shell, where it is comfortable but lonely as there is only room for one.
Over time the layers have slowly become undone. The layers of shame, anger, sadness and pain are being stripped away slowly. Hiding underneath those layers has been layers of kindness, sensitivity and happiness. Right now I feel exposed to the flame of life, scared to touch it in case it burns my fingertips but fearful about leaving its warm embrace and going back into the cold. So what do I do now?
Some of us are naturally introverted, and I think some of us become introverted as life goes on. For me, it has definitely brought some positives but mainly negative things to my life. I am starting to take steps forward into trying to be less introverted because I think that it is what is going to be best for me in the long run. I think my anxiety may improve, my depression and my general mental health will improve, with being a bit less introverted.