It has been one of those weeks where I wanted to exchange my adulting permit for a learning permit in adulting instead. My new job is going well, it is just all the other things that come with adulthood, being social, being present in the world and being able to not want to lose your shit at the smallest thing. i don’t want to change who I am to fit someone’s opinion on who I should be. I don’t want to be a morning person I have tried to and I am just naturally a grumpy cow in the morning. I don’t want to decide to have babies yet because I am thirty and everyone has started already, I don’t want to look on the bright side when I feel like shit, instead, I want to listen to my music really loud and shed a tear or two. I don’t want the person I am becoming to be decided by others.
I think as adults we can get pressured to be and act in a certain way because we are of age and it is time to be put you in a box. I have problems with fertility and when people ask me when is it baby time it, it can really get to me, I am like, “I don’t know Linda when my insides decide to play ball!”. When people tell me the past is in the past let it go and aren’t you too old to still be dealing with past trauma, ” I am sorry Linda I didn’t know trauma comes with an age limit?”
We all have our own path to create, to make mistakes, to hit rock bottom, to rise to the top and to achieve. We can’t always get it right because how else would we learn what we like and don’t like, what we want and don’t want, what we are and what we are not.