I wanted to give you my honest outlook on anxiety after having a bad day with it. I am going to add a trigger warning to it as it is something that many of us struggle with.
Today I had a breakdown, I feel like anxiety is ruining my life no matter how hard I try to get better or improve, it is just constantly there in the background causing havoc. I just want it to go and leave me the fuck alone, I don’t want to feel like this anymore.
I feel like I am constantly having to explain myself all the time because of anxiety, my mind is constantly running and I just can’t to slow it down. Anxiety can strip who you are as a person, it what feels like a blink of an eye and you end up hating who you have become. It makes me question whether I am not meant to get close to people or if anxiety isn’t the real problem, but I am.
To live your life with the bitch of anxiety is not a fashion statement or an excuse for bad behaviour. It is something that you are desperately trying to control, but it is a slippery fucker that you struggle to grasp on to. To live with anxiety means sleepless nights and tired days and feeling like you are on the edge all the time. It can mean people can get the worse impression of you but it is nothing compared to what you think of yourself.
To live with anxiety is to live with either have an overactive mind or an eery quiet mind and not knowing what you prefer more, to feel everything or nothing. To live with anxiety means crying your eyes out over something that most people could laugh off or having your heart race so face you think it is going to jump out of your chest.
To live with anxiety isn’t easy and I wish more than anything it was something I could just remove from my life. Living with anxiety sometimes means shutting down from the world around you until you feel strong enough to face it again.I have good days and bad days and I am working on having more good than bad. Today was a bad day and there is nothing I can do about that now, I have to move forward.