Did I ever tell you that about the time I was in such a rush to get home because I felt like anxiety was closing the world in around me, that I walked up to the wrong house and was trying to open the door with my key for a good few minutes. I can laugh about it now because I must have looked like an idiot cursing at a door that didn’t belong to me ( thank god no one was home). I remember finally realising that I was telling the wrong door to ” fucking open you piece of shit”, I felt like anxiety was going to swallow me whole. I was only one house along, and as soon as I closed my front door, I cried my eyes out. Was I crying over the original anxiety or the new anxiety from trying to get into the wrong house?
I was crying for my sheer frustration with anxiety. Like seriously, how the fuck did I not recognise my own house, and why did I let anxiety control me like this. That is the thing with anxiety, your blinders are on and the only world you can see and comprehend is the world anxiety has twisted before you. You sense of humour goes straight out the window along with your rationality.
In reality, we all do stupid things that embarrass us and in that moment it may feel like the whole world is going to end because of it. When you combine anxiety and embarrassment that can be a lethal bomb about to explode inside your mind, and it is a tricky bomb to defuse.
So just like how we need to remember that sometimes we make mistakes, we also need to remember that sometimes we do stupid shit. Like, I have lost count how many times I have left my house with my top inside out, or left my phone in the fridge and even spent a good portion of my mornings at work with toothpaste on my chin. Stupid shit happens to us all, and it is not easy to turn down anxiety’s volume and take off those blinders but it is not impossible either.
So next time you do something stupid whether it is an hour or a day or a week after it has happened, try and look back and laugh, and turn that anxious memory into a funny one.