Today was my last day of therapy, these past 8 weeks have flown by, and I am honestly so sad it is over. I know I can refer back if I want to but I rfelt that I had found a therapist that I could really open up to and they can’t guarantee I would get the same therapist again. Yes, it has been a hard and painful experience, but I know I have made some good steps forward. I am scared of messing that up and going backwards, as I don’t want to go back to that place. I guess time will tell and I need to put faith in myself that I can do this, as it was my choice to go to therapy, it was my decision to open up and my actions that have moved me forward.
These past 8 weeks have made me see I need to go on medication for my anxiety, I can’t keep doing this on my own. I have also learned that I should question my diagnosis and go back to my doctors about being reassessed as my therapist thinks I am dealing with C-PTSD. Also, I have spent most of my life putting others first which has contributed to my feelings of abandonment.
I could go on and tell you about the weird and wonderful places of my mind, the trauma and the past events that have caused some of the damage. Instead, I want to use this post to tell anyone out there who is struggling and questioning whether to get help and tell them what have you got to lose! Yes, I am not cured of my issues and my mental health problems but I have a better understanding of it now. It gave me a place to vent to a person who didn’t judge me and didn’t tell me to look on the fucking bright side. I am now on a better footing to not let those things keep controlling my life, and I have hope for the first time in a long time that I am going to be ok.
I am going to end this with a small bit of something that my therapist read to me at the end of our session today.
What I think and what I feel is my business. What you think and what you feel is your business. When I’m worried about how you feel about me, I’m in your business. And if I’m busy living in your business, how am I present for my own business?
Living according to our own truth is one of the highest acts of self-love and self-care. And when you live accordingly to your truth and stay in your own mental business, others will honour you and the truth you live, too, whether they agree with you or not.