Have you ever had someone cross over the line with you? Have you ever felt that some people just don’t see the line? Or maybe they did see the line but still stomped their muddy feet all over it?
Boundaries are so important when it comes to relationships and boundaries can change person to person. The boundaries you have with one friend may not be the same boundaries you have with another. Sometimes you have to inform the person about the boundaries you need to have, and some people just automatically know, it’s like they can just read your mind, weird.
Why are boundaries so important?
Well, some of us have been hurt in life and just aren’t comfortable in sharing everything with everyone, and we also we form different bonds with different people and one type of relationship with one person may not work with another. Boundaries are how we keep ourselves mentally and physically safe, and I can’t stress enough that boundaries are really person-centred. Just because we have boundaries doesn’t mean we don’t love the people in our lives, instead, it means we are putting ourselves first and that is an okay thing to do.
Does it mean we are closed off?
Not necessarily, some of us do live in a fortress protected by a moat and canons and some of us just have a fence with a small gate. We all need to feel safe and some people just need a little bit more protection.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T tell me what it means to me?
Boundaries can change, but that is down to the person, one of the most important things you can do for someone is to respect their boundaries. Trying to cross that line may result in that line being moved further and further away. By letting that person know that you respect their boundaries and you are there for them can go a long way in that line becoming a door you can go through.
I have recently started to set clear boundaries with people instead of closing myself off completely or letting people treat my line as a doormat. I can’t please everyone, but I am doing what is important to my own mental wellbeing. I am starting to understand that yes some of my walls do need to come down with some people but stay up with others and if people can’t respect that then that’s their problem, not mine.
I think we have all experienced someone crossing over the line with us and it is not a pleasant experience, it doesn’t make us go and put a welcome sign up on the walls but instead we add barbwire. One of the hardest things to remember is not everyone is out to hurt us and will cross that line. By reacting to that hurt by adding more walls for everyone can make a person feel lonely and damage our mental health instead of protecting it. So remember when you are setting the boundaries that it doesn’t have to be one set of rules for everyone.
It is easier said than done, trust me I know from experience but it is not impossible to turn a fortress into fences with gates that are locked and which only certain people have a key to.