I feel like my anxiety has been affecting me the most recently. My therapist has recently helped me understand my anxiety a little bit more, and a lot of my anxiety comes from the critical parent side of me. I get anxiety about anxiety and I can end up in a circle of hell because of it. I have recently been trying to battle physical and mental health issues and my anxiety has been feeding off that battle.
I don’t sleep that well because my mind is run on the anxiety battery and don’t socialise that much because my mind is run on the anxiety battery and this anxiety battery can give Duracell a run for its money.
It can go on and on and on and there we have the circle of hell. I
I am getting better at dealing with my anxiety though, I have introduced more coping mechanisms in my life to help me and one of those things is writing. The other day I was close to an anxiety attack and decided to get out my notebook and write down what I was thinking. This is what I wrote.
The bitch of anxiety.
Her voice is so loud I can’t not hear her,
she wants to tell me I will never be.
I will never be okay,
I will never be loved,
I will never be accepted.
She is under my skin,
infecting everything she touches.
She can turn me against me,
by telling me I will always be.
I will always be rejected,
I will always be a failure,
I will always be lost.
She sucks the energy from a room,
she can leave me gasping for air.
She is my first and last thought,
the reason why I care.
I care too much about why?
I care too much about when?
I care too much about how?
Anxiety is here and she wants to be heard.
Why did I write that? I wanted, no needed to show myself that yes anxiety is real, but what anxiety makes me feel isn’t real. There is no truth behind what anxiety tries to convince us is the truth, but all the bad energy, negative thoughts and fears have to go somewhere. Anxiety feeds off it and then throws it back at us like it is gospel and we believe it because it comes from us.
Anxiety is a liar but a convincing one and we may not win every battle with it but that doesn’t mean we are failures it means we are warriors.