Therapy 3 – Me and my big mouth.

Hey everyone.

So I went to therapy yesterday and once again it was a very difficult hour. I know I said last week that I was trying not to cry in therapy, well that didn’t go to plan this week. If I had to sum up this week’s therapy session in three words it would be, I hate myself. We went through what had happened in the week and how I delt with it. After I was telling my therapist about how I struggle with self-belief and my self-confidence, my therapist hit me with some harsh truth that I needed to hear. I felt like I had said too much, me and my big mouth. I had spoken so much I had got to the core. I felt exposed and I didn’t like it.

“You hate yourself,” she said. It felt like time had stopped, that one sentence. I couldn’t stop the tears from forming quick enough, I just felt this deep pain inside me go, she’s right. Well, colour me fucking dumbfounded, because I knew I’ve got issues, but how did I let it get this fucking bad.
I don’t want to hate myself but I just got myself all tangled up in issues, damage, anxiety, depression and all the other shit that has affected me over the years. I molded myself to reflect that pain instead of reflecting the warrior who got through that pain.

So what do I do now?

I carry on. I carry on focusing on improving my mental health, I work on myself, for myself. Fuck what others may think. I have to do this for me and me alone. As I want to be able to look in the mirror one day and go I don’t hate you anymore, I love you.

Take care,

Vixxy Rose
xxx

3 thoughts on “Therapy 3 – Me and my big mouth.

  1. It’s overwhelmingly difficult when you have that much anger bottled up inside, that you need to release it, don’t be so hard on yourself for acting that way, you obviously needed to get the words out to express your thoughts on what you were feeling, trust me
    i’ve been in that situation, where it’s so painful it hurts you so you are going to release how hurt you actually are, you are only human❤️ Stay strong because you are.🌹🍀✌Thanks for sharing….

    Like

  2. Sending great big hugs. And I hope your therapist told you how huge a breakthrough that is for you to say out loud and accept that you hate yourself. I hated myself for years which lead to a lot of drugs and alcohol abuse. But once I discovered I could love and forgive myself it got better. It must be extremely painful to be going through this but and I cannot say enough how proud I am that you are not running but facing this head on. Always here. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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