Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all of the time as you are only human. We are coming to the end of another week and I am in my head again. I am feeling like I am the monster and that is why I don’t have many people close around me. I am trying to fix some of my damage, but I am starting to feel like it is not fixable and I’m going to always repel people. This may be anxiety and depression speaking but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t feel real to me, just because we can put a label on it doesn’t make it simple to deal with. Lonely is a fucking awful feeling and it is something that I just can’t seem to shake. I am hoping my holiday that is coming up in the next few days will be just what the doctor ordered and help me take a break from the world. Even though I know my depression and anxiety probably won’t be taking a holiday at the same time, I ain’t that lucky, I just hope that I will be able to get some peace of mind for a few days.
Not the best way to end the week so let’s have a look at my good shit and bad shit for this week.
- I went to therapy for the first time in a couple of years and even though it was emotionally draining, I did find it hopeful and eye-opening. I have a mountain to climb but I am starting to gather the right tools to climb it.
- I cried in public. This may not sound like a good shit kind of thing but it is. I didn’t freak out and I didn’t run off as fast as my feet could carry me, no, instead I let my emotions out and carried on eating my muffin.
- I am being more open with my partner and even though he may not understand what I go through he tries his best to listen.
- I went to the gym. It has been a high anxiety week so this is a fucking achievement
- I can’t help myself with controlling my food as I am so scared I’m going to slip back into old bad food patterns but I fear I am creating new ones.
- I don’t have a positive view on myself physically or even mentally. I am so sick and tired of this shit. I just want to be strong and to be happy.
So even though this week is ending on a low mood, it has been a good week, I have to try to remember that. The thing is I got this shit, this struggle isn’t new to me and no matter what, I got this. I can get through this crazy thing we call life.