Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too, as you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. If I try harder, do you think that my motivation may come back? How are you supposed to measure that? Trying can come in many different shapes and sizes. Sometimes trying means I am just trying to get through the day by showering and breathing, other days trying is me make strides to overcome anxiety by pushing my limitations. So do you think that it is unfair to label someone as not trying hard enough because the results are not as visible and are we just being our worst critics by chastising ourselves for not trying hard enough because things are not happening instantly?
I am trying to not the bad shit inside my mind control me and it is not so fucking easy. Do people think that people with a mental illness or mental health issue want to feel this way? Like yeah, I want to feel like shit a lot of the time, as I wanted the challenge!
Tihs is a drawing I did called pain inside my mind, I don’t mean headches even though i get them a lot. I mean the pain we have burried deep within our mind.
I wish I could pull out the bad shit that lives inside my head out, lock it in a box and throw it in the deepest of oceans. I wish that I didn’t feel haunted by the past and petrified of the future. My mind seems to be my best and worst quality. Unless you have dealt with mental illness or mental health issues you have no fucking right to tell to let it go and move on. Again this is not a choice, this is my life. Some days I am like i got this and I am able to replace some of the bad shit with good shit. Then there are others days where thete is a tidal wave of bad shit that comes along and buries the good shit. Which then means there are times I have to start from scratch but that doesn’t mean I am not trying.
With each set back and with each stride forward I have made this last couple of years, it has helped me find my voice. For years I didn’t have a voice I locked away everything inside my mind and now I found my voice it is going to take time to get that shit out. I won’t be able to get rid of it all but I’m trying.