Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. it is only Tuesday and I already feel done with this week, I have a feeling I say that a lot. It’s just work is really doing my freaking nut in at the moment, too many things to list why, but mainly I hold people to my standard and I really shouldn’t. I have to accept that there are people in this world that are just twats and there is nothing I can do to change it apart from learning to deal with it better. To be honest, I should be used to this, I have come across some right twats in my life so far and I should have learned by now not to let their twatty behavior get to me. The problem is I am sensitive and I also can be hot-headed. I have to remember though, sometimes the best reaction to twats is no reaction.
So as you can see not the best start to the week but I am hopeful things will get better, I do think because I don’t work Wednesdays, it is a great midweek opportunity to give my batteries a bit of a charge and focus on the things that have been bothering me. I have the perfect chance to turn this week around and kick the bitch of anxiety out of my mind.
Today I want to share with you a drawing and the story behind it that I have been working on these past few days.
Love destroyed my heart.
It has taken me a long time to realize that I didn’t understand love, I saw it as something that destroyed things and left people weak and scarred. Love to me was something that was used as a weapon and that there was no such thing as unconditional love because as easily love could fill your heart it was just as easy for it to go and leave your heart feeling hollow. I saw love destroy the people around me as well as myself so why would I want that for myself? Love just bought nothing but pain, the pain of loved ones leaving me, the despair I felt for not being able to love myself and the confusion for not being able to receive love when given to me. Love has twisted and turned my life in many directions and I now see that this is where I was meant to be. Even though I thought love left me a long time ago I have actually been putting my heart back together one piece at a time. There is no longer a black hole where my heart used to be.
The funny thing it was love that got helped me heal, I am starting to see that I am deserving of love and not only from others but from myself.