Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. So last week I didn’t end the week on a good shit and bad shit list because I have been having a bad time with my uveitis and I’m on some new drops which have made my eyes feel like they have been rubbed with sandpaper. Onwards and upwards as they say. I have decided I will try to document more on my social media about my journey with chronic pan-uveitis and how it effects me daily so if you’re interested in that, please keep on eye out on my social media.
This week I really want to be more motivated in becoming more in tune with my mind and to try to not only do some self-care but also balance out my routine. I feel that when my routine is out of whack my mind follows. Even though I have to be careful with not overdoing it and triggering anxiety when something doesn’t go right with the routine, I need to at least try to add a bit more structure to my life. Whether it works or not in settling my anxious brain that’s another question but it is work a try!
Today I want to share with you a drawing I did about a month ago and the story that goes along with it.
The black cloud that floats above me.
I have a black cloud that follows me everywhere, every bad thing that has happened to me is stored there, every depressive thought is stored there and every anxious and manic thought is stored there. Every tear I have cried has comes from that black cloud and that black cloud is suffocating me. Maybe that black cloud was necessary a long time ago to help me process the bad shit that has happened to me and that it wasn’t just in my head, it was fucking real. Iti has also been the cause of many dark spisodes and fucked up thought processes in my life. It is a constant reminder that i am fucked up. Now I need the black cloud to let me go and live my life no longer being a victim but a survivor. I now need a new cloud that is full of hope and love and to show me during those dark times that I will be ok. It is not going to be easy to get rid of the dark cloud because, in a strange way that darkness is comforting as it is so familiar, I just know with ever step forward I make the cloud gets a little less black.