Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. I think I think too much, it really played on my mind for days after my part one post for mental health week. I know it is down to the fact that the things I had written are things I haven’t really talked about openly with people apart from a therapist and my partner. What I wrote felt like my dirty little secret, most people who know me probably know I have some body image issues but they don’t know the root cause for them. I guess I felt like it was time to not only share it with people but to start the healing process of not feeling so ashamed of something that wasn’t my fault. If you haven’t checked out part one it is called “why didn’t you show me how to love myself” and please feel free to drop me a message if you have gone through anything similar and need to talk about it. As that is the whole point of mental health week to help spread awareness and to also help one another even if it is just a friendly ear to just listen.
So, part one was about my past and part two is all about the here and now and what I hope is to come with the journey of with my body image problems.
How can I love myself?
I have tried a lot of diets and fitness routines in the hope it will help improve my body image issues but I honestly knew each time it was kind of pointless as deep down I knew that no matter how much weight I may lose those issues will still be there, there is no diet that can get rid of them. I know now because of my past and how I was never shown how to love my body, my body image issues are not just about how much I weigh or how much I exercise or what I eat, it goes much deeper than that.
I am nowhere fucking near excepting my body for all of its faults or positives and I’ve got a long way to go before that happens, but I have started to make small steps on that journey. I know now that not only do I need to work with a professional in dealing with these issues and past events to not only to help show me it was not my fault but to help me move on in a healthier way. I have now stopped dieting for the first time in 22 years and yes it means that I am panicking about my weight every day I just know dieting is not healthy for me. Instead, I am exercising to not lose weight but to just try and get a little fitter and also trying to seek the help of a professional to help me see food is not the enemy.
I am looking forward to the day where I don’t feel the need to cover my body in baggy clothes even in the summer, I am looking forward to the day where I can look at my body in the mirror and say “ damn girl you are beautiful”.
I am not a positive influencer for positive body image as I got a lot of shit to work on but I am just a girl standing in front of a mirror asking myself how can I love myself? instead of the answer being never, the answer is now, you will find a way.