Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human.
I have wanted to do something like this for a while and there have been many things that have held me back from doing so. Am I ready to be fully honest with myself? Do I want to risk offending people? Then I think to myself, I am being a hypocrite if I preach about accepting oneself and being proud of who you are if I can’t be honest with myself. There are many things that I wanted to be honest about and this may come across as moaning or ranting but I honestly don’t give a fuck anymore. This is my space and I like to think people read this because they are genially interested in what I have got to say! I have never really sugar coated my words but I have been mindful of avoiding certain subjects.
If I were honest…
If I were honest at this moment in my life I am getting annoyed more and more about things that are out of my control, my anxiety loves that! It is getting to a point where I am fucking annoying myself about how annoyed I am getting because all I seem to do is moan about my eyes, my mental illness, my family, the state of the world and Brexit. I joke about how I am ok with being grumpy and even try and convince myself I am the reincarnation of Daria (Google it if you don’t know who she is). If I were honest though, I am not ok with being grumpy I really wish i could be more positive and cheerful. If I were honest, I worry, that’s why I don’t have many friends. If I were honest, I spend a lot of time feeling very lonely, I don’t feel I fit in anywhere, my family, my friends, my job and the mental health community. I find the world very clicky and I have witnessed some things recently online that shook me to my core. To see gang mentality used within the mental health community is fucked up. I sat back though as I don’t want that gang mentality sent my way.
Don’t preach about what a mental health advocate should be, we can’t walk in everyone’s shoes and we can only share our own journey. If I were honest, I do believe we should be able to stick up for ourselves and defend what we believe, but there is a fucking proper way of doing things, Twitter shouldn’t be used as a playground.
Our voices are so fucking important, we want to end the stigma right? we want to speak up for those who don’t have the courage to, right? we want to be able to do it without the fear of being judged, right? This is me not taking aim at anyone or condoning actions that are deemed as wrong. No, this is me being honest saying our voices can be powerful, we can evoke change, help others, share our journey and be the light in the darkest of times for one another. That voice though shouldn’t be used as a tool for intimidation and judgment. I wouldn’t be here writing this blog if it weren’t for the support I have received from the mental health community these past two years and I just want the safe place that has helped me during the darkest of times to stay that way, safe.