Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human.
So here we the end of the weekend and the end of another week, there is one thing my mind has had in common with the weather this week and it is it has been so freaking annoyingly unpredictable. Where I live it has been windy one minute then it rains, next minute a bit of hail after it tries to snow and a bit of sunshine throw into the mix. Honestly, if I had the urge to leave the house at some point this week I would have been pissed off at the weather. The weather has reminded me of my own mind right now. One minute I am down and I see no point in doing anything at all, then the next minute, utter frustration with myself and with the world for fucking me offer like this. Luckily there has been some motivation and positivity thrown into the mix but not enough to tip the scales of a stable mind.
I honestly can’t wait to get back to getting some help I now realize I can’t do this on my own anymore and that is no weakness that is fucking strength right there. I am not ready to throw in the towel just yet.
Time for good shit and bad shit list for this week.
• The small amount of motivation I have had this week has been effective because I have done some writing towards my book and also had some good moments of using my time wisely.
• I have responded to people who have texted me. This may seem like nothing but to me, it is a step forward because I struggled to reach out to people even if it is for a general chat.
• I have been communicating my mental illness problems to my partner instead of sugar coating it and saying I am fine.
• I am working towards going back to work.
• The battle I am dealing with my mind has really taken its toll on me and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
• My sleeping pattern is fucking fucked. I am either sleeping from 4am and waking up at 7am or 12pm.
• My eating issues are getting out of control even though I feel I made some steps to improve I am struggling to control my binge eating and emotional eating.
• I have struggled with my self-image due to being on steroids I am not liking what I see in the mirror at the moment.
• My brother is back in the country as he lives abroad and has failed to meet up with me or even messaged me back and I was so looking forward to spending some time with him.
So more bad shit then good shit this week and that’s ok because bad shit happens and tomorrow is the start of a new week and means the potential for more good shit compared to the bad shit.