Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. over the last few days, I really feel like I have unlocked something from deep within myself. I started drawing and painting to help me express how I am feeling and honestly it was just something that I needed to do to fill some empty hours within my days. As time has progressed though I have grown to love it more and more and I discovered I am not half bad at it. How can I go from struggling to draw stick figures to create drawings and paintings that I didn’t know I was capable of? It sounds like a really weird thing to struggle over to accept but when you are a person who has spent most of their life believing that they are bad at most things that they try, to then find something that not only I enjoy doing but good at, it’s a mind fuck! Also, maybe it is not too late for an old dog to learn new tricks…
So today is the 1st of March which is Self – Injury Awareness Day. I have never really spoken that much about my experience about my self harm apart from here and there making note that I used to do it and also in my blog post Scars. It is not like it is something I am ashamed of, it has been 7 years since I last did it and I did it for nearly 10 years on and off. I think I don’t talk about it because it was my secret it was something that went on between me and me. During that period of time, I think there was maybe 2 people who knew and a handful of people I tried to talk to about it but didn’t listen.
Self-harm is a difficult thing to talk about because unless you have gone through it you will never know why a person may do it. Not every story is the same when it comes to self-harm and WE ARE NOT ATTENTION SEEKERS! My why is because I was in pain emotionally and I didn’t know how to process that pain. Even though I am 7 years self-harm free I still deal with urges to do it, I have always said self-harm is an addiction just like smoking or drinking. The urge may never fully go away but the strength it takes not to do it builds over time.
So if I have any advice for anyone going through it, it would take it easy on yourself because setbacks can happen and it doesn’t make you weak for doing it, far from it. You are not crazy, weak or stupid. You are in pain and you need help to deal with that pain. So please don’t give up trying to get help for that pain, you are not alone.