Posted in anxiety, mental health

Is this what fucking happiness feels like?

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Is this what happiness feels like? Is this weird thing my face is doing right now a smile? For 8 FUCKING MONTHS, I have fucking suffered, I have been on the brink of throwing in the towel with my battle with Pan-Uveitis so many times. It has brought me down to the deepest of dark holes that I really thought I was never going to get off and no one could tell me why this was happening to me? I have lost some vision in both eyes and have put so many steroids in my body including by needle into my eyes, yet no one could tell me why this is happening to me? I have had to go off sick from work with crap money and no one could tell me why this is fucking happening to me? Until today.
Today I got told I have Sarcoidosis, which is an inflammatory disease and luckily it is only affecting my eyes. It does mean I may have to medication for the rest of my life and it will have its good years and bad years but I finally got my answer to why this is happening to me and I now have a path to follow. I feel like I left that appointment feeling 10 pounds lighter as the world is no longer resting on my shoulders.

Which leads me to my tip of the day –

Don’t let a few bad moments turn into a bad day.

Today could have easily been ruined by anxiety, this morning was awful! I already was nervous and scared about today’s appointment and the bitch of anxiety was in full form. I nearly didn’t go I didn’t want to face it if it was bad news I would rather avoid that shit but I remembered you have to get through the bad shit sometimes to get to the good shit. Then, my bus didn’t turn and I thought my head was going to explode! Still, I pushed through it and got an expensive Uber and the taxi driver was a massive fan of small talk and playing Cheryl Cole very loudly repeatedly, by this point the bitch of anxiety was cackling away in my head saying ‘I told you not to go”.
After all that though, the day got better and better and I realized I could have easily let the bitch of anxiety win and ruin the whole day. Instead, I learned that powering through is the hard choice but the choice that gets us from the bad shit to the good shit.
I am not a half glass full type of person or a half empty kind of person, I am a shit happens kind of person and sometimes the only way to deal with anxiety is to face it head on, accepting it is there and reminding yourself it doesn’t have to control you.

Take care,
Vixxy Rose
xxx

6 thoughts on “Is this what fucking happiness feels like?

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