Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health, Uncategorized

Forgive yourself!

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. That feeling is back, the dark unwanted cloud of depression. I have recently realized how much depression is like tar, how it can spread and cover you in darkness in an instance and also isn’t so easy to remove. We could also flip that to a positive, as tar is used to make roads and sometimes our darkest of times is making a road heading towards our lightest of times. Just something to think about…
So yeah I feel like shit, to put it bluntly, and I feel the more I try to be strong the harder it becomes to do so, instead, I let go a bit and let myself crumble. Instead of waiting for a full storm to come along I let in a few dark clouds. The hard thing about this is being able to be vulnerable and with the dark clouds looming over my head I need to be on the lookout for unhealthy coping mechanisms trying to sneak their way back in. Fun times.

My tip of the day is –

Forgive yourself!

I get so fucking angry at myself at times for feeling weak and so broken. The amount of times I mutter to myself “stupid bitch” because I get so frustrated with some of the actions I have chosen to take. I honestly think about some of the things that has happened to me in the past and even though I know now it wasn’t my fault, it doesn’t stop me concluding that I am the monster. If everyone has walked away maybe it is me? Maybe if I was smarter, prettier, thinner I would have done better? Am I toxic? Maybe I did deserve it?

I am sure we all have felt like this as we seem to find it so easy to be our biggest critic instead of our bigger supporter. It is like when you see a pimple on your face you can’t help yourself but pick it and then we pick it so much it ends up leaving a small scar. So if we keep blaming ourselves for everything that has gone wrong we are going to end up with so many little scars.

So over the next day or so I am going to write myself a letter of forgiveness, even though I know it sounds crazy to forgive myself for things that weren’t my fault it hasn’t stopped me from blaming myself for those things, maybe this will be the step I need to take to move on. I will share the letter and what I will do next in my next blog post. In the meantime, if you have any tips on how you learned to forgive yourself please feel free to leave a comment.

Take care all,

Vixxy Rose
Xxx

Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health

You can’t simply touch the stars by jumping…

 

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Life can move at such fast past sometimes it can feel like you can’t keep up, so everyone time you trip up over your feet it sets you back even further from where we are told we are supposed to be in life. Maybe the trick is to get off the treadmill that is going nowhere and just walk at our own pace? If we are constantly on the treadmill racing each other and trying to outdo each other on speed and agility then we are really missing out on the point of what life is really about? By getting off and walking at our own pace, we experience new things and see life at a 360-degree angle instead of the small view the treadmill gives us. Just something to think about!

So my tip of the day is –

You can’t simply touch the stars by jumping…

So many of us are dreaming and hoping for a better life, whether that is just to be happy and have peace of mind or have a better job or a relationship we all at some point wish for better. Wishing and hoping can only get us so far, we have to put in the work and time to get those things. It may feel unfair if you see celebrities or people around you just getting what they want on a silver platter but looks can be deceiving.
I have always found the sense of achievement is greater than the achievement itself, to know that I have put blood sweat and tears into something and then to see it grow from my hands is an amazing feeling. It is not easy work to go after a goal, it takes time, pain, nurturing, and a big dollop of hope. if we want better we have to do better and build from the ground upwards. So you may not able to touch the stars by jumping but if you take time building the ladder and sometimes you may even have to have help to build that ladder and that is ok because then eventually you will be able to reach out and touch them.

Take care all,
Vixxy Rose
Xxx

Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health

The mental balance between fuck no and fuck yeah!

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Well, so far this week actually this month nothing really has gone to plan. It has left me feeling like I am stuck in the mud and I have loss sense of direction. How do you find the courage to move forward when there is no clear direction? How do you change your goals to adapt to a new situation? Will the way become clear? These are some of the questions that have plaguing me this week and to be honest I haven’t been in the right mental state to take those questions. Instead, I started small and actually left my house when I didn’t need to and went for a walk and also trying to keep my mind busy but not too busy so the bitch of anxiety doesn’t take over, as she has barged in a few times just to fuck things up a bit.
the lesson I have learned is that we can plan our life’s but we also we need to accept that plants have to change or be adapted because the situation has. I have to start seeing the eye condition in a positive light and that it will give me the time I need off from work to focus on myself and achieve things I wouldn’t be able to do if I was at work.

So my tip of the day is –

The mental balance between fuck no and fuck yeah!

Dealing we mental illness can feel like you are like a coin and that there seems to be two main response from you when it comes to life, you are either all in or all out. It can make you feel like you are living in a black and white world and grey area doesn’t exist. The hard thing we face is to introduce colour to the scenario as it can be tricky, sometimes we can add too much and become overwhelmed or we don’t add enough and we are still in our comfort zone. So how do we find that balance between fuck no and fuck yeah?
Honestly, I can’t give you the answer because it is something that is personal to you. It may be trial and error and looking at new methods of introducing new things into your life without that automatic response. Some people might find it better by doing a group as a group and sharing the load and others may feel more comfortable doing it alone. Whether you are just trying to use public transport without a panic attack or make conversation with someone new, for me I find it bet to try different methods as there is more than one path that leads to your goal.

Take care all,
Vixxy Rose
Xxx

Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health

When life knocks you down, get up and take a swing back!

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. I have been living under a rock these last few days as I have been physically and emotionally drained. Even though I have tried my best to stay positive during this whole ordeal with my eyes. There have been moments where I am sitting there having words thrown at me like dangerous, glaucoma, surgery, stem treatment, and specialists and all my brain is saying is “what the actual fuck”. How the fuck am I supposed to process this without going into a deep depression? Luckily I haven’t though, I have managed to keep my head above water but it really hasn’t been easy. So no wonder these past few days my body and mind needed charging. I honestly thought I had enough issues before all this with my eyes but I guess there was still some room for a few extra bags. Also when you ill it can be like an earthquake inside your mind, everything has been disturbed and moved out of place and some parts of you destroyed and the tidy up afterward takes 100 times longer than the actual earthquake. I won’t give up though no matter how tired I get, I may rest now and then but then I will get up.

So my tip of the day is –

When life knocks you down, get up and take a swing back!

I don’t normally condone violence but sometimes life needs a swift kick to the face sometimes. You may agree or disagree but I think we all have been there where we have felt like life is not only knocking us down but carry on raising blows while we are down. It is so hard not to stay down because it feels like you are fighting a losing battle, like a featherweight vs a heavyweight. We have to try to remember the story of David and Goliath if you have the right tools you can get back up. This is why it is so important to make sure you have a mental health toolbox whether it is physical or mental or both, to help you through the difficult times. The good thing about a mental health toolbox is that it is personal to you. In my toolbox, I have 2 self-care boxes for desperate times for when I am either down or manic each box contain a self-care plan that I know will help me. Also, music and notebooks and reading are tools in my mental health toolbox.
So when I say get up and take a swing back at life, I don’t mean physically hit life because unfortunately, that is not possible. Those swings are taking care of yourself and carrying on reaching and working towards the dreams no matter how many times you fall. The easy option is to stay down but the harder but most rewarding option is to get up and to keep going.

Take care all,
Vixxy Rose
Xxx

Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health

It is never too late!

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Late night blog post time! So this weekend has been crazy I felt like the excitement was not going to stop. Me and my partner had a games night and played a bit of jengo, I managed to shower and change my pajamas, my magnetic fridge calendar was delivered and also a new fitted sheet. I know I know I should maybe slow down a little but I like to live life on the wild side. I have got just over 2 months left of my 20’s and honestly, I intend to live them one cup of tea at a time because I honestly don’t see the big deal about turning thirty. My 20’s were difficult and honestly kind of glad to say goodbye to them.
Do I hate getting older? Honestly yeah but what can I do, I haven’t invented a time machine yet. Do I worry I wasted my life so far? Honestly yeah I do because this is definitely not where I thought I would be at 29. Does any of this really matter? N it doesn’t who cares what age you are you are never too young or too old to make yourself happy, to go after your dreams and be the person you want to be.

So my tip of the day is – 

It is never too late!

For some reason we put time limitations on things for what we want to achieve, we do that either by age, month day. Just look at the start of the year, we are supposed to start this whole new us new year thing on the 1st of January, but what if you are not really to do that then. What if you wait till the 7th of April, Does it matter? Are you hurting anyone? The answer is no it doesn’t. Starting a new regime like a healthy one or a new sleeping pattern doesn’t have to start on a Monday and just because you don’t do it on that Monday doesn’t mean you have to wait till the next Monday.
When it comes to achieving there shouldn’t be any rules this isn’t a rollercoaster, aso no one is too small to ride life. For me it is simple. when it feels right to you to start a new journey or a new path whatever it may be the best time to start it is when it feels right for you, not a Monday not on the 1st of the month but when it feels right for you.

Take care all,
Vixxy Rose
Xxx

Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health, Uncategorized

Being vulnerable is fucking brave!

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Hey everyone,
Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. I’m back again when inspiration strikes well I have to write! Today has been another day being knocked around by this medication and I feel like the sides around me are closing in for me to slide down into a dark depression and plus that bitch of anxiety is knocking rather loudly at my door. It is so hard when physical health problems affect mental health and it is so easy to succumb to the dark thoughts and the utter loneliness. I feel like more than a grumpy cow than I usually am and it is driving me crazy that I can’t pick myself up. All I know is if it weren’t for the fact of my strong self-care routine and my utter stubbornness to not give in I would have been down the slide and play in the black sad pit by now.
It is a funny old thing mental illness, some days you feel utterly helpless to it and other days you argue with it, I guess it is kind of like dealing with a toddler. The temper tantrums, the crying and the sleepless nights.
So my tip of the day is –
Being vulnerable is fucking brave!
I struggle to be vulnerable around other people, sometimes the only time I am is when I have put on a brave face for so long and it all comes flooding out like a big exploding volcano. I want to be strong and brave but we think if we are vulnerable then we are not. How wrong we are! being vulnerable is a brave thing to do, to be able to say no I am not fine instead of smiling and saying you are, takes a huge amount of strength.
I know right now I am struggling but I don’t want to tell my partner because I already know I am being grumpy at the moment. The problem is when you have perfected that fake smile for years it is a hard habit to get out of and plus the bitch of anxiety fills your head with lies about being vulnerable. I will say this though this blog has been a big step for me to show my vulnerable side and be able to get those feelings out is getting easier. A few small steps in the right direction and the odd step backward are better than no steps.

Take care all,
Vixxy Rose
Xxx

Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health

You are not just your problems…

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Hey everyone,
Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Well, not had the best start to the year. Finding out my eye condition has got worse and having to be put on some pretty strong medication that has some not so great side effects, is yeah not how I thought this year would start. So these last few days I have not left my sofa and just been relaxing as much as I but also not let this completely take over my life and carry on with my goals. Its been a hard balance to find because I feel it is very easy for me to slide down a slippery slope into depression and fuck will I let that happen without a fight.
Today I made a start on the new changes that will be coming to crazy little things which definitely helped elevate my mood because I am so excited for the direction I want to go in and I think it will be a welcomed distraction from the shitty things going on. Now hopefully the first lot of the changes will be starting next week and I hope you will enjoy!
So today’s tip of the day is –
You are not just your problems…
When it feels like it is constantly raining on you it is so easy to then feel like you are destined to live under a cloud, you get used to damp clothes and squelching shoes, but if only you put up that umbrella what a difference it would be and even better, what if we danced in the rain?
It is so easy to feel completely absorbed by your problems and feel like every part of you is a made up from them. Those problems though do not make who we are though and when we recognize that we are putting up that umbrella and when we face our problems we are dancing in the rain.
Problems can be tricky but they are not dead ends and there are many paths to take to solve a problem, it is what suits you and your needs. The sooner we face problems the smaller it becomes and the better it can make us feel, yes it probably won’t be straight away but we have to try and not be drowned out by the rain.
Take care all,

Vixxy Rose
Xxx