The fight I am not willing to lose…


Hey everyone,
Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Currently sitting here writing and finally shedding the tears that I have been hoping would fall for a while now. I’m crying because I am sad, angry, hurt and fucking scared. Every emotion is finally unlocking and falling freely from my eyes. Which is kind of ironic, as I am crying because of my eyes.
For the last 6 months I have been dealing with an ongoing illness with my eyes and now it looks like I have still got a long tough road ahead of me. Not only is this affecting me physically but also mentally. This illness has turned my life upside down, which in turn has caused me so much stress and mental strain and honestly, it has pushed me to the edge, to a point where I thought I couldn’t take any more.

So today I want to do something different and let you in on my journey with Pan-uveitis. Pan-uveitis is an inflammation of all layers of the uvea of the eye, which includes the iris, ciliary body, and choroid. These make up the middle layer of the eye. This condition can also affect the lens, retina, optic nerve, and vitreous, causing reduced vision or blindness. Let’s start at the beginning, 6 months ago I suddenly developed blurred vision in my left eye and really bad headaches. I went to A&E and they said it was just a migraine, they gave me a muscle relaxer and then sent me home. I knew it wasn’t a migraine and decided to then book an eye test at my local opticians. The optician spotted the problem straight away and made me an appointment at the eye hospital, this was my first diagnosis of uveitis. I was given steroid drops to take every hour and after 3 months went back and was told it has cleared up. Unfortunately, within a week it came back but in both eyes.
Unfortunately, it came back with a vengeance. So over these last few months, I have more eye drops and even steroid injections in both eyes (good job I am not scared of needles). Instead of getting better, I got worse, the steroid drops come with their own side effects and unfortunately, they doubled my eye pressure in both eyes and now I may have developed Glaucoma, which has resulted in me having to be put on medication to be on the safe side until a Glaucoma specialist can see me.
Yesterday I finally saw a Uveitis specialist who after some tests and scans gave me the diagnose for Pan-uveitis. It is the rarest and most dangerous form of uveitis and I may never beat it but just control it. As well as that, I have to have some more tests to see if I have sarcoidosis, which is an inflammation disease which can cause my immune system to be on overdrive, this may be the reason for me developing the Pan-uveitis.
So there you go that’s the story and it is been fucking hard and as I don’t know if my vision will ever be the same and it scares me not knowing how my vision is going to be on a daily basis. I love reading and writing and to think they may be taken away from me is my worst nightmare. It is not just that though, it is the thought of not being able to see my loved one’s faces, to enjoy the beauty of this world brings tears to my eyes just thinking about. I won’t take this laying down though, I will never give up the fight to save my vision.
Take care all,
Vixxy Rose

6 thoughts on “The fight I am not willing to lose…

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