Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Today I got a bit crafty and decided to do a bit of painting and you know what, it really helped lift my spirits. I am no artists but just to sit there with my music on and the paintbrush in my hand and let my emotions guide me, was just as good as having a therapy session. I have been in my head so much these past few days, it has been so difficult to climb out of there, so this was the ladder I needed. With what is going on right now being hard enough but the past is coming into the picture as well. I know we shouldn’t focus on the past but what happened 11 years ago around this time set off such bomb in my life and even though it gets easier to deal with each year, it still affects me to this day. I won’t go into too much detail as I am still debating whether to do a blog post on it soon.
So in my last blog post, I talked about forgiving ourselves and I was going to start the healing process by writing a letter of forgiveness to myself. If you haven’t read my last blog post please do so in case this makes no sense to you at all! I have got a handwritten copy of this letter and will tell you what my next step will be after the letter…
Forgive yourself part 2 – A letter to me .
Back to talking to yourself again, I see, well at least that you are consistent at something. let’s get straight to it why don’t you believe you deserve to forgive yourself? We all fuck up, mistakes are not what make us but what we learn from. When will you see that your feelings of feeling so broken and so unlovable are not something you plucked out of thin air and are not your fault, you are the product of your environment. People have walked away from you, but really are those the type of people you want in your life? If people can’t stand by you through the dark times, well they are not the type of people we need in our life.
This deep hatred you have for yourself goes down to the core, I am with you every moment of the day when you are alone and you are so afraid to be left alone with your own thoughts. You are not a bad person and you are not rotten to the core. Some pretty shitty fucked up things have happened to you and just because it happened to you doesn’t make it your fault. Also, yeah have caused some shit yourself, but you have to forgive yourself Vixxy. You don’t need to forgive yourself for everything, for having a mental illness for struggling, for cutting people out your life and for living your life at the same time, but if that is what you need to move on from this Vixxy then I forgive you. You are a good person who deserves the happily ever you crave, you deserve to be loved but in order for those things to happen, you need to forgive yourself.
This is not the full letter as some of it just between me, myself and I! The next step will be burning this letter and start the healing process of letting go of the things holding me back including not being able to forgive myself.
Take care all,