Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not, well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Wow, these last 48 hours have been emotional, invigorating, amazing and is leading me to a happy path, so instead of my usual rambling on I am going to get straight to the post.
Stepping out of the shadow…
I faced something rather scary yesterday and that was going to the hairdressers. I haven’t been to the hairdressers for a few years now because of my anxiety and a bad experience where a hairdresser just verbally pointed out every flaw and insecurity I had. So instead of just facing my fears and have a trim, I decided to really throw myself into the deep end and go and get a whole new look. Five fucking long hours I was fighting myself from just getting up and running. My anxiety was crazy and even though my hairdresser was so nice and was trying to put me at ease, I was freaking the fuck out. What if he thinks I am weird? What if he points out the flaws? What if I look ridiculous afterward? The bitch of anxiety really was trying everything to get me out of that chair, but I stayed and some hours felt longer than others but in the end when it was all over I really had to hold back the tears. There staring back at me, was me, and I didn’t realize it until I saw my reflection that I hadn’t seen her in such a long time. I felt this tornado of emotions rush at me and to be honest the last 10 minutes I was there was a blur because I was just so overwhelmed by what had just happened.
Fast forward to today after ending yesterday on such a high, I woke up this morning completely drained and exhausted. It took me a while to realize that yesterday really took it out of me mentally. Also, my brother came over to see me and he hadn’t been to my house before and we started talking and something he said really struck a chord with me.
For so long I have felt like I have lived in the shadows which left me so confused to who I am and what I am supposed to be. My mom hated me dying my hair and over the years I would purposely do it to piss her off but also to not do it, so I didn’t piss her off. Yesterday was the first time it was about me and what I wanted and how I wanted to look instead of being dictated to how I should look. This is why I feel like I have finally stepped out of the shadows and started to grow as a person for me and not for anyone else.
So today’s tip of the day is – A flower doesn’t grow in the shadows it prospers in the light.
Take care all,