anxiety · depression · mental health

Don’t wait for a hero, as you are the fucking hero!

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Hey everyone,

Welcome back to crazy little things! I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not well that is ok too because you don’t have to be ok all the time as you are only human. Isn’t it crazy how quickly you can get sucked into a storm, the beginning of this week I felt steady and calm but now the world is firmly weighing heavy on my shoulders. I have broken down to my partner twice over these last few days about how my life is always a struggle and I’m tired of struggling, it is not fair! To see the pain in his face of not knowing how to help me is awful, I hate that I put him through this but I am so grateful to have him by my side.

Where does my mental illness end and where does me begin? The lines between them feel so blurred right now and I know that is down to the fog that clouds my mind at this moment but that reasoning does not stop the anger that is burning through me right now. That is the thing that most people don’t understand about depression, I am not walking around crying with a permanently sad look on my face, I am not an emo anymore. Each bout can be so different, sometimes I can be sad, sometimes I can feel empty, sometimes I can feel everything, but this time I feel anger. Anger towards myself and towards the world that surrounds me. I can feel it burning through my veins and I just want to scream until the anger is gone. But it is not that simple, maybe I could scream and it will feel good but when my throat is burning from the pain the anger will still remain. This is why sometimes during the storm of depression all you can do is let the storm wash away the pain and hold on because eventually, the storm will pass and instead of wasting energy, save the strength, do some self-care and come out of the other end stronger. I really am a barrel of laughs right now as you can see! I miss my “normal” sarcastic moaning self. I like her and I can’t wait for the storm to pass to be her again.

So my tip of the day is –

Don’t wait for a hero, as you are the fucking hero!

Haven’t we all wished at some point that someone would come along and take our pain away? To come riding up and slay the demons that are keeping us hostage. Unfortunately, this is not a Disney film because if it were then I would be living in a castle with the biggest library in the world singing a song about how much I love books. This is the real world and we have to be our own heroes, we may have people around us who listen and help the best they can but they can’t be your heroes.
You are a warrior with scars to show the battles you have fought and won. If we had someone else come along and saves us every time we were in need then how would we learn, we would just end up repeating the same mistakes that got us to that point. This sounds harsh and it is not easy to accept that you have to be your own hero but this is your story and I don’t know about you but I want to be the hero of my own story. Not the princess that is sitting and waiting for a hero to come to save the day.

Take care,

Vixxy Rose

xxx

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5 thoughts on “Don’t wait for a hero, as you are the fucking hero!

  1. Hey Vicky! O wow it’s been a while. But I haven’t forgotten about you! The psych ward is sucking energy out of me. It’s fine and I think I helps, but it’s so exhausting, especially with my meds making my energy level drop drastically. But enough about me! I hope you’ve been generally fine those past few weeks. Right now you’re angry, I can understand that, but yeah! You are your own here and maybe turn that anger into motivation? I’ve read somewhere that you shouldn’t be angry at yourself, but at the existence itself, and just show it who’s the boss here! You can get through everything.
    And I totally get not knowing where the illness ends and the real me starts. I’ve been sick for so long I don’t know anymore. But do I need to separate those thing? Maybe I do, or maybe it will just bring pain. I’m still very much lost on this topic.
    Take care!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Firstly send you all my love so sorry the psych ward is sucking your energy levels 😕 I really hope things get better soon remember I am just a message away! I love how much you can relate to me and make me feel less crazy that I am not the only one who feels and goes through similar things remember take care of yourself ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Allowing yourself to feel anger is healthy. Your anger isn’t truly with yourself but with the way things have rolled out for you. The things that you have gone through thinking that you may have done something. Anger is good. Anger allows you to heal. Just please make sure that your anger is not directed at yourself for you have done nothing but cared for yourself. Sending a virtual hug to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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