anxiety · depression · mental health · Uncategorized

We all can be an asshole now and then…

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. Halfway through the week again I can still say it hasn’t been particularly great but not particularly bad so I guess normal with a hint of anxiety thrown in there for fun. I am getting annoyed with myself for letting my anxiety get to me as much as it has been though. For example, when my train was canceled this week I just went straight into anxiety meltdown mode, I walked straight passed reasonable thinking and ran past acting normal in public and straight into tears and over thinking. I felt like as it was happening I was looking down on myself shaking my head and telling myself to calm the fuck down but you know what, I am crap at taking my own advice. There was another train in 20 minutes but for some reason when it comes to public transport it doesn’t take me much to go from 0 to 100 when things go wrong and this happens a lot, as it is public transport!
Over thinking is the fucking worst, like I actually hate anxiety more than bipolar; I turn into an irrational moaning bitch when anxiety is in full swing, hence why I call it the bitch of anxiety. Also, it is so exhausting, I know if I had a particularly hard day with anxiety I am going to end up feeling shattered and which can then carry onto the next day. With bipolar I have a reasonable idea of what to expect with my mood cycles but with anxiety, it can hit me with a crafty left hook out of nowhere.

My tip of the day is –

We all can be assholes now and then…

Mental illness can bring out the worst in you, I know I am guilty of being a massive asshole sometimes when I in a middle of a cycle or when anxiety is in full swing. I can be short with people, I can be difficult and I can cut people out my life at the drop of a hat. Having a mental illness is not an excuse for being an asshole as how can we expect the stigma around mental illness to be squashed if we feed that stigma.
Half the time I don’t realize I am being an asshole until afterward and this where I have to take responsibility for my behavior. I call it the three A’s of owning it:
Acknowledge – recognizing the behavior or action as being wrong.
Apologize – tell the people who have been affected by it that you recognize it was wrong and you are sorry.
Acceptance – I know the shame we all feel with mental illness and we all have asshole moments mental illness or not as we are only human, accept it has happened and move forward not back.

It is not an easy process and I am not perfect as I don’t do this every time I am an asshole, just ask my partner! but i am trying to and trying is always better then doing nothing.

Take care all,

Vixxy Rose

xxx

4 thoughts on “We all can be an asshole now and then…

  1. I’ve felt this way a lot lately, and feel like such a horrible person. I’m not though. I’m human, taking on a lot, and bound to have difficulties and limits when dealing with mental health. I shouldn’t beat myself up for being an asshole every once in a while. X

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If I could get rid of agoraphobia I would never complain about schizophrenia ever again. It’s the worst. I too can recognize patterns in schizophrenia but agoraphobia is ruining my life. So I get how you feel.

    Oh how many people I’ve cut off my life. When someone is getting too close I just feel threatened and I tell them I don’t want them to contact me ever again. I always try to be nice about it, but I probably sound like an asshole anyway. As you said, mental illness is not an excuse to be an asshole, but at the same time we need to take care of ourselves and if we don’t want certain people in our lives we should be honest about it. Just try not to offend that person is what I try to do, and I think that’s fair

    Liked by 1 person

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