anxiety · depression · mental health · poetry

I wish I was worthy…

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. There are many deep pains that I carry with me all the time and I know deep down that these pains will always be with me, they are apart of me now, sewn into my DNA. That doesn’t mean that these pains will control my life forever but they hold an influence at the moment over how I am feeling on a daily basis as I feel they do have the power to tip the scales and cause a mood cycle.

There is one pain that stops me from being able to look in the mirror, from going to a hairdressers’, stops me from trying clothes on in a store and even sometimes leaving my house. This pain is stalking me and I try so fucking hard to ignore it but I can’t, how can you ignore something that stops you from looking in the mirror?

This is not a tip of a day this is me just letting my emotions bleed, I will not cut anymore as I can’t go down that dark path anymore, but I need to let this out before it builds up to a point that I am choking on it.

I wish I worthy

I wish I didn’t look the way I do
I want to be worthy
I wish I didn’t hurt anymore
I want to be worthy
I wish my reflection wasn’t what I saw
I want to be worthy
I wish I could accept my flaws
I want to be worthy
I wish I could have peace in my mind
I want to be worthy
I wish this were something I leave behind
I want to be worthy
I wish I were worthy….
Emotions are a strong thing and with having bipolar I feel like I can feel too many emotions at once or none at all, it is a total mind fuck! So no wonder I feel at times when something is bothering me it can be so intense that I feel like you can see each emotion written out on my skin. Which that makes me feel like everyone can see my weaknesses, which leaves me wondering will these scars lead me to my beautiful?

So yeah no tip of the day sorry guys just me venting!

Take care all,

Vixxy Rose

xxx

6 thoughts on “I wish I was worthy…

  1. To me, in my eyes, and the eyes of each person who loves and respects you, you are worthy. You are so so much more than just enough. I know me saying it won’t make you believe it, because I’m in the same situation. I’m really proud of you that you’ve learned to write your feeling on this blog, instead of on your skin with a razor. I’m not doing too badly myself. I’m like 2 months clean or so. Writing helps, doesn’t it?
    I want to write so many quotes from various songs like “you were meant to fill the purpose that only you could do, so there could never be a more beautiful you”, and dedicate them to you. But that’d take hours. So I just want do dedicate this song to you. “Gold” by Britt Nicole

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Meek done you are doing so well 2 months is in red you should be so proud 😊 yeah writing helps me I couldn’t get through the things I am going through without it! Thank you so much I loved the song, I exist know what I would do without you to be honest you are always so kind and amazing to me and make me feel I can get through the bad times ❤️

      Like

      1. Ah, im glad to hear that! To be honest I was worried that I was being annoying by commenting on most of your posts. I feared that maybe you’ve gotten tired of me by now. But I’m always happy to help ^^

        Liked by 1 person

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