Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health

It is worth fighting for!

NEVERGIVEUP02.jpgHey everyone,Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. I am not ok and for once this is not down to my mental illness, this time it is down to my body that just keeps on fucking failing me. Come on isn’t this list long enough:
• Bipolar
• Anxiety
• PCOS
• Acid reflux disease NowI have to add on an eye inflammation disease, why can’t life stop throwing those damn lemons as I feel like I am drowning in lemons right now. I haven’t stopped crying since I got home learning there is a chance I might still lose the eyesight in my right eye, I just have to have hope I have caught it quick enough to reverse the damage.
I do feel this news will have a knock on effect to my good mood as I feel I have put out a welcome mat for anxiety and bipolar to cause some havoc. I just can’t catch a break! I am full of emotions right now; fear, anger, lost, broken, all the feelings have decided to have a catch up inside my mind right now. But 2 days ago I got my semicolon tattoo and maybe it was fate to have this reminder on my wrist that I can get through whatever life brings my way, I have done it before I can do it again. So my tip of the day – It is worth fighting for!Right now I am on the edge of falling down a rabbit hole of a deep depression, but I am digging in my heals and won’t fall without a fight. Even though you may feel you are being pushed down doesn’t mean you can’t push back, fight dirty if you must, as this is your life, not your mental illnesses’. This is your fucking life you sometimes have to bear arms and fight for it, so even if you fall you can hold your head up high and climb back up and look your mental illness in the eye and say “is that all you got!”
Because I guarantee I won’t go down without a fight and you can bet your ass if I fall I will get back up stronger and show my mental illness whose life this is.Take care all,Vixxy rose
Xxx

Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health

You are going to get wet when it is raining!

 

life-dancing-in-the-rain-quote-life-dancing-in-the-rain-quote-dancing-in-the-rain-quotes-tumblr.jpgHey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. I am still feeling a bit under the weather but powering through it, as the weekend is around the corner and I got some things to do that are out of my comfort zone that I am determined to follow through with.
I really feel like a phoenix rising out of the ashes right now, I am feeling more comfortable with this calm part of me as days go by, I no longer feel like a stranger to myself. I have started to take steps in taking back my life again from my mental illness and I am getting stronger by the day I can feel it. So even though a storm will come my way again I am no longer afraid to get wet.

So this brings me to my tip of the day –

You are going to get wet when it is raining!

Have you noticed even with you have an umbrella there is still a part of you that gets wet whether it is your feet or face there is always a part. no matter how prepared we think we are when a storm comes our way there we will always get wet and that is ok. Because that storm will soon pass and that part will soon dry off.
With any type of mental illness, there will always be some damage from a storm but that damage is not always permanent, even if at the time it feels like it will be it. I know this because I have been there, where I thought that was it I am destined to be a bitter human being who causes nothing but misery to others and myself and I will always be unlovable. But you know what that part of me that was soaked by the rain is drying up and I don’t think that right now. I have not done a total 360 but maybe 180, instead of thinking I am unlovable I now think maybe I am not so unlovable.
We can’t expect not to get wet in the rain but maybe one day we can learn to dance in the rain knowing that we will eventually be dry again.

Take care all

Vixxy rose
Xxx

Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health

It is never too late…

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. I have stopped counting the days of feeling good and free from the crazy that lives inside my mind, as it was starting to feel like a prison break and sooner or later the prison guards anxiety and bipolar was going to catch up with me. I shouldn’t be putting that pressure or that negativity on myself as I know I am not cured as there is no cure. I have to stay as grounded as much as I can because when anxiety and bipolar catches up with me again I don’t want it to be a hard long fall down.
Life is not always sunshine as there are storms inject our life’s with darkness but then there are the rainbow days when the two collide and can cause harmony again.
So as I am writing this I am not 100 percent not mentally physically this time as I think I am coming down with a bug so going to be a shorter post than usual.

So my tip of the day is – It is never too late

One of my favourite songs is never too late by Three Days Grace, the lyrics of this song are so powerful and I always just stop what I am doing when this song comes on, its full of pain and also full of hope. Just like me, I guess full of pain but there is hope that the darkest of days are behind me.

It is never too late to dust yourself off and start again, just because it is a Wednesday it doesn’t mean you have to wait till Monday to put changes into place, as all they are just names of the days, as the longer you wait the less likely you are going to do it.
Also, you are never too far down to pick yourself up it may be small steps but the steps will lead you to a better direction. It is so easy to put off your recovery and making changes that are out of your comfort zone it is so much easier to say in that bubble.
But guys we have a choice to stay and just survive in that bubble or it is never too late to get out that bubble and live your life.

Even if I say
It’ll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we’ll turn it all around
‘Cause it’s not too late
It’s never too late

Three Days Grace

Take care all

Vixxy rose
Xxx

Posted in anxiety, depression, mental health

All we are asking is for a little bit of fucking respect.

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Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. Well guess who’s out her Sunday bubble most the day, yeah you guessed it, me! I am getting better at leaving my comfort zone to do something I normally wouldn’t do and I think due to this break in the routine I am trying to do every now and then my mental health has come on leaps and bounds. I want my life back I can’t carry on living in fear of my mental illness and i am nearly fucking 30 years old and its time to live. The hard part was letting go of the anger and the shame of letting my mental illness take so much away from me over the years. I had to accept I couldn’t get that back it is in the past now it is now time for a new chapter in my life.
Acceptance is key in recovery:
• Accepting the mental illness
• Accepting you can’t change the past
• Accepting you must forgive yourself
• Accepting to move forward
• Accepting people around may not understand

 

The last one is a hard one to accept that the people around you may never understand or even accept your mental illness. Which leads me to my tip of the day….

All we are asking is for a little bit of fucking respect.

In the words of Aretha Franklin R-E-S-P-E-C-T is all we are asking for. Unless a person has walked in your shoes they can never understand what you are going through. I can never understand what a person who has BPD or autism or even diabetes because I can never walk in their shoes but I can respect what they go through, it is that simple.
Mental illness does not get the respect that it deserves just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it is not there because trust me the scars are there inside and out. Are we asking too much for people to respect us?
I don’t fucking think so! So just like the saying goes charity begins at home, so dies respect so instead of talking to the people around you until you are blue in the face to get them to understand. Just try to get them to respect your illness, and maybe that respect will spread and eventually the stigma attached to mental illness will be stamped out. One can hope!

Take care all

Vixxy rose
Xxx