Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you’re not, well that is ok too as you’re only human. Today felt like Monday decided it wanted to another turn this week, even though that bitch of anxiety seems to of lost her voice, she has left a mark. I have such a heavy feeling on my chest because of it. Everything I seem to do today from forgetting my lunch to not being able to energy to organize my paperwork has the same reply from the back of my mind, “because you are a failer” I know this is just the bitch of anxiety but it’s my mind how can I ignore that!
That part of my mind that knows I am strong and not a failure has been telling that bitch of anxiety to fuck off but things like that leave a stain on your heart.
Am I a failure? Am I destined to fail my way through life?
Hell fucking no, I wouldn’t be here writing to you lovely lot if I was such a failure would I. Sometimes I have to remind myself the things I have battled through to shake myself from the grips of anxiety hence why I keep a lot of lists.
I have survived:
• Abusive partner
• Being homeless
• Turbulent family life
• Eating disorder
• Traumatic ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage
• The death of my Nan
• Losing my best friends
• Being diagnosed with PCOS
• Being diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety
I have survived it all and I am still surviving, yes I struggle but I am only human. The things we survive can be our weakness but can also be another piece of our armor to battle through life with. I guess it can be as simple is your glass half full or half empty outlook.
So my tip of the day – Write it, see it, do it!
I need to start taking a few more risks in life as the kids would say be a bit YOLO (I cringed at that word), but I am no good at taking risks, that’s the curse of over thinking. But I feel I am not living life, I am just surviving and that is no way to live every single day.
So I am going to set myself a target and I hope you all can join me with this, I am going to write it, see it, do it! I am going to write on a post-it note and put on my mirror every month something I want to do but over think I every time and don’t end up doing. For me it’s going to be:
• Write it – write down getting my hair cut
• See it – acknowledging I need to do it, not next month but that month.
• Do it – get it done, fight through the bitch of anxiety.
It’s not going to be easy but I am going to try!
If you do try it yourself please leave a comment to let me know how you get on.
Take care all