Hope everyone is feeling ok and if you are not, well that is ok too as your only human. Halfway through the working week and I am feeling like on a damn seesaw. Even though I feel like the low cycle storm has finished, I feel like there is still some pain there eating away at me. This has nothing to do with my bipolar or my anxiety but something I know that it keeps triggering me.
I turned round to my partner and I told him my biggest fear is that this pain is going to haunt me to the day I die. Everything I do, every happy memory past and future is going to have a permanent black smudge over it.
What can I do?
I have been to therapy about this in the past and since then the situation has just got worse and worse and now I am at a lost of what to do with this pain.
So I am going do what I do best, write. Let the pain drip into my words and let that give me some relief from this open wound in my heart that I can’t seem to close.
Tip of the day – being on the outside isn’t so bad.
Toxic friendships, toxic families, and toxic relationships all have one thing in common, and that is simply that they are toxic. Love shouldn’t come with a price you shouldn’t have to suffer for someone’s love and some people are just not worthy of your love. For me I have learned family doesn’t always mean blood and having to step away from most of my own family is hard. It does mean though I will no longer be poisoned by the toxic behavior.
I am finding out being on the outside looking in isn’t so bad anymore, I can be who I want to be without people who shouldn’t judge me, judging me. Stepping away isn’t easy but if you are already on the outside is it worth the fight to get on the inside? Ask yourself should you really be fighting to get into somewhere to be with the people who put you out?
Take care all