The title speaks for itself really, I am snowballing mentally right now and I can’t seem to get a grip anything to stop myself. Instead of my usual motivating speech, I thought I would just get straight to the point, right now I need to get down what I feel because if I don’t I am going to fall deeper into this black hole. So by me writing this down maybe I can throw myself a lifeline something to hold onto, to stop the fall…
But do I do it as a letter, do I do it as a load of word vomit or do I do a dear diary, I am not sure how to put this. Decisions decisions oh we all know how good at these I am (not).
Well, I just let my pen hit the paper and waited to see what came out and it was a letter, a letter to my mind…
Dear mind/me I (this is weird)
I am so sorry I am losing you right now. I have lost control of you to the dark cloud of depression and the bitch of anxiety. You currently feel abandoned left alone to be tortured by them, with their crawl games and tricks. I hate the fact I can’t seem to get to you and just be able to reach out and tell you it’s going to be ok as you feel just out of my reach.
I know you hate being lost in the darkness with the thoughts of suicide, self-harm, and self-hatred being your only company, once you I am strong enough I will get you back. I want to make you laugh again with one of our inside jokes, like the one about the way think our Alexa secretly hates us so we give her impossible questions to answer.
There are times where I think you can do much better than me as I am such a basket case but then so are you well actually we are the same person so its kind of a package deal. I am sorry for all the lies I made you believe I am sorry for losing you.
Mind of mine I will always follow you into the darkness and will fight with every part of me to bring you back to the light, I will make us whole again.
This is the part where you normally say bye in a letter but I can’t exactly say bye to my own mind can I?
Anyway, thank you for reading my very bizarre letter.
Take care all