I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not remember that it is ok not to be ok. So today has sucked and been good at the same time, kind of half full and half empty kind of day. My mood has been pretty stable throughout the day and I have been able to focus on moving forward but there is a ball a chain attached to me slowing me down. It is my moms birthday today and we aren’t on the best of terms and I needed space away from the toxicity of what was going on so today has been so difficult to decide whether I should text her or not. I kept thinking if I unlock the door then it will just burst open and I am ready to open the door again for my parents to come back in my life?
I am fighting two parts of me telling me yes and telling me no, it’s so frustrating I just don’t know what to do, as honestly the bad list outweighs the bad but when it comes to your parents it is not so simple.
Anyway enough about me and my woes, let’s move on to the topic of the day.
The danger of lighting a candle
Now, this may sound silly and random, but you know how they say when you go the bathroom to light a candle afterward to cover up a smell, well that is all you are doing is masking the smell it is not going to go away. When you try to mask how you feel with “I’m fine” and that fake smile, you are not getting rid of the problem you are masking it and if you start lighting more and more candles then eventually you are going to start a fire. Sooner or later you are in breakdown city.
Well, fuck that!
Instead, wear your pain with pride it’s your pain we don’t need a pretty smell to cover it, as your pain does not make you ugly it makes you a human being.