anxiety · depression · mental health

Let the storm wash away the ones who walk away.

bryant-mcgill-people-who-walk-away.jpg

Hey everyone

I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not remember that is ok not to be ok. Well, I am still feeling a bit crappy but over the worst of it with the cold. As for my mood, on the other hand, well like I said on twitter it only takes a drop of anxiety to cause a storm. I am so tired of the same pattern of once something is out of my control my mind goes into meltdown, I just can’t seem to break the pattern yet and I emphasize the yet as I know one day I will. The best thing I did is while I was on the train I wrote down all the negative thoughts on my hand, so when I got home and had my shower to wash my day away it washed away the thoughts too. As an ex-self-harmer, I find this is a great way of replacing that eurgh.

Well, today’s post as I hinted on my social media is about my abandonment issues. It is quite common for someone with bipolar to have those types of issues plus mixing that with the demons from my past, I can’t run from these issues no matter how hard I do. Abandonment issues can leak into my anxiety and my bipolar so it seems to be everywhere I turn.

My tip of the day is – let the storm wash away the ones who walk away.

I pretty certain I know where my abandonment issues come from, I never felt like I fit in anywhere even with my family. I felt it was so easy for people to turn their back on me when times got tough. I know this is just my side of the story and I know I am no angel but when all I wanted was love and people’s time I don’t feel like I was asking too much. I have had friends and family walk away from me when times have got tough and this has influenced me later on in life by either not getting to close to people or constantly worry when I do let them in they will leave like everyone else.

This has taught me a tough lesson is that the people who have remained are the people who can handle the storm and will buckle down with me until it passes. My siblings, my boyfriend and a handful of friends are all I need. simply why do I want people in my life who get scared of a bit of rain?
Take care all

Vixxy rose
Xxx

6 thoughts on “Let the storm wash away the ones who walk away.

  1. Love this post! At the start of the year I let go of anyone that was holding me back or affecting me in a negative way, and honestly so far it’s been wonderful. I too have never felt like I quite fit in anywhere but I’m willing to wait to find the right people even if that means being alone a lot, it’s better than being surrounded by shitty ones! Thanks for sharing! B x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What an amazing post Vicky! Am also moved by your life story and also inspired .It reminds me of myself about the past tried years and I know you’ll like the story. I was very anxious to have friends but Most of them put me down and showed no interest. One in particular I wanted to be a friend to a lady in campus but she abused me and told me am not her class and this really hurt me a lot and I was depressed a lot. I don’t know whether she said so because am not a university student because I’m not qualified either even college or It’s because she lives in the capital city of Kenya while I live in the rural area. Another one is my cousin who is a lady. When I chat with her at times is like am boring to her but when she needed airtime to buy data bundles I gave her even some of my savings. I decided not to force myself to her even and move on even though I was hurt and depressed. She would later send my sister to ask me why I am quiet but I gave no response because It’s like gossip. I felt a lot of pain but I overcame and decided to never seek people who are uninterested with me. Am glad to overcome and improve my mental health and realized there are those people who’re good for me on earth and they need me. Thank you once again and am happy to overcome mental illness and to be healed everyday.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re so strong. I’m not kidding. You’re one of the strongest people I know. I have no experience in how it feels to have bipolar, but I do know people who have, and it makes life so much harder. Stay like this. Stay strong and stay positive Vicky. You’re my inspiration

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s