I hope everyone is doing ok and if you are not remember that is ok not to be ok. Well, I am still feeling a bit crappy but over the worst of it with the cold. As for my mood, on the other hand, well like I said on twitter it only takes a drop of anxiety to cause a storm. I am so tired of the same pattern of once something is out of my control my mind goes into meltdown, I just can’t seem to break the pattern yet and I emphasize the yet as I know one day I will. The best thing I did is while I was on the train I wrote down all the negative thoughts on my hand, so when I got home and had my shower to wash my day away it washed away the thoughts too. As an ex-self-harmer, I find this is a great way of replacing that eurgh.
Well, today’s post as I hinted on my social media is about my abandonment issues. It is quite common for someone with bipolar to have those types of issues plus mixing that with the demons from my past, I can’t run from these issues no matter how hard I do. Abandonment issues can leak into my anxiety and my bipolar so it seems to be everywhere I turn.
My tip of the day is – let the storm wash away the ones who walk away.
I pretty certain I know where my abandonment issues come from, I never felt like I fit in anywhere even with my family. I felt it was so easy for people to turn their back on me when times got tough. I know this is just my side of the story and I know I am no angel but when all I wanted was love and people’s time I don’t feel like I was asking too much. I have had friends and family walk away from me when times have got tough and this has influenced me later on in life by either not getting to close to people or constantly worry when I do let them in they will leave like everyone else.
This has taught me a tough lesson is that the people who have remained are the people who can handle the storm and will buckle down with me until it passes. My siblings, my boyfriend and a handful of friends are all I need. simply why do I want people in my life who get scared of a bit of rain?
Take care all