How is everyone doing? I hope you all are feeling ok and if you are not remember it is ok not to be ok. I know how easy it is to smile your way through shit times but I have learned eventually the mask will slip. Here we are edging close to Christmas and a new year, how are we close to the end of 2017? These last few years the negative aspects have really overshadowed the good, but I know there have been some good things happen to me so every cloud.
Which brings to something I have finally learned this week, after years and years of repeating the same mistake over and over again. Yes, I am high fiving myself right now I deserve it! As this is something i can lose sleep over and send myself into such a dark self hating place, but no more.
I am about to kill some with kindness, shake it off, let it go and I am sorry, not sorry! I have a deep fear of people walking away from me, which has meant I have left myself open to hurt and being in toxic relationships, basically a bit of a doormat. Which shocks me because I am a strong-minded person. My kryptonite is friends I have always struggled holding on to them and I have been treated appallingly in the past due to my people-pleasing nature.
I have learned the hard way and I realize now I deserve to be treated with respect and dignity as well as love and care. I have said this so many times I overthink everything, I just can’t help myself and it is like second nature to me. I sometimes have to tell my partner what I am thinking to help me understand whether that opinion is valid or just my mind making up shit. It is so refreshing to hear from his point of view as he thinks so different to me.
But there has been one thing we have both agreed on recently and for once I know 100% and he agrees I am not overthinking this situation. I am not going to go into too much detail out of respect, as this has to do with someone in my life now. This person has clearly got a problem with me and refuses to express so but instead has shown petty behavior. Well, I don’t play these mean girl games, and instead of doing everything in my power to smother said person with affection to put myself back in their good graces, I am not sweating the small stuff.
I am just going to let it go I am not even going to bother reaching out and asking what I have apparently done wrong. I do want to say thank you to this person; you have helped me see my inner strength and how much I have grown. I am so proud of myself at times like these I see such a difference in me and I know I on the right path mentally.
Thank you for listening all.