I hope everyone is feeling good and enjoying their weekend so far, remember if you not feeling ok that is ok too. I am have not been well hence the little distance from my last post, but I am feeling a little better now. By me feeling under the weather and in a low cycle, it has made me realize the effect it has on a person. That feeling of vulnerability. I feel too exposed to the world and it makes me feel so uneasy knowing my nerves are showing, available for someone to cut at them and play with them. It is quite strange really, considering most low cycles of depression I usually feel very detached from the world. So it just shows you how the butterfly effect can take place in day to day life, one small change can cause a different outcome.
There is a part of me that wants to embrace that feeling and let everyone around me in but then that question puts me back in my place, what if they hurt you? So, for now, I will stick to my rules my control of who gets let in and who doesn’t, yes I know it kills me some people see me as cold or distant but that is the price to pay.
I have had the time these last few days to sort through the negativity fog that fills my mind and I have come to a conclusion (DUM DUM DER!)
My tip of the day… we make our own karma.
I have been obsessing over the wrongdoings I have had in my life and the honestly the shit that has been thrown my way, oops no sorry I mean lemons! Every time I go through flashbacks and crawl through memories I think where the fuck is karma. Why do these people seem to get their happy ever after in the words of Pink. What about us? Has karma forgotten to put these people on the naughty list or is the twist that karma is the bad guy? I know a lot of questions and I don’t have the answer for all of them, but I have an answer, we make our own karma. Instead of feeding the negative space in my mind, the real karma is me moving on with my life till they are just a dot in my rearview mirror. Dwelling on things is not the answer, you are karma, and you have the ability to make things better for yourself. Be the most badass karma you can be. Take back control.
Take care all,