I hope everyone is doing well and if you are not, remember that is ok because I am not ok and I accept that. This week Monday was just wow, awful, to put it simply. I actually felt like Monday could go walk up some stairs that were covered in Lego, barefooted! Anxiety mixed with the feeling of a low cycle on its way, basically I was like a ticking time bomb and eventually, the bomb blew off. I felt my mind start filling up with the negativity fog and I was struggling to see past it to see the positivity. The warning signs were there and yes I acknowledge them and tried my best to subside them but it was just building up. Unfortunately for my partner he lit the flame and got the brunt of it.
Which brings me on to my tip of the day… shit happens!
Sometimes no matter how much self-care or plans we follow you can’t avoid the inevitable. Yes I cried, screamed, shouted and slammed doors, but I took ownership of my actions after and was able to see my wrong doings. People with mental illness are allowed to melt down like everybody else because everyone does it now and then, only human remember. The difference is when someone like myself with bipolar has a meltdown there are always repercussions, which feeds into the negativity already swirling around.
ALL ABOARD! Train to low cycle is about to leave Vicky’s mind stopping at guilt, self-loathing, paranoia and emptiness. Even if I don’t buy a ticket I can’t seem to get off this fucking train. If only I could let things go? I could then board the train to shit happens which stops at its ok, self-love and acceptance. If I don’t get off this track them I am going to be stuck somewhere I don’t want to be, I have to at least try.
I have to take back control somewhere along the way, even if it means jumping off the train and walking back and starting the journey all over. Which yes I know is a scary thought because my mind seems to be a one-track mind. Well I just have to build a new track to shit happens using my mental health toolbox and eventually, I will get to the right destination. Even close enough to that destination will do me like things will get better train, which stops at hope, strength and learning along the way.