Hope everyone is ok and if you are not, remember that it is ok not to be ok :). I guess I have got some explaining to do, I kind of took a hiatus from my blog and my social media for a few days as I was in desperate need of self-care. I wouldn’t class it as a low cycle though, I really do think I understand my Cyclothymia a lot better to know this time it wasn’t the cause of this.
I am going to turn it into a tip of the day– Warning signs!
I would say for the last few weeks I have made some mistakes in either not recognizing my warning signs or ignoring them completely, which I know was fucking stupid of me. It was like I was sitting in a room and it started filling up with smoke and the fire alarm is ringing away and I am just sitting there reading a book going la la la it is not happening.
For the last few weeks, things have esculated with a family situation, at this moment I won’t discuss, and I was pushing my feelings away just so I can concentrate on others. Well that blew up in my face, last weekend I literally reached a breaking point and I was sobbing my heart out and overcome with such sadness I decided to blog about it. I finished the post and gave it to my partner to read, which I rarely do, and he was like “babe you can’t post this”. I took my laptop back off him and re-read what I wrote and what started as a letter to my family explaining how I felt, slowing turned into a suicide note. It was then I knew I had taken on too much on my shoulders and it had broken me and I needed to put the pieces of my mind back together.
After a few days of self-care and honestly some selfishness, I feel better. Yes, the situation is stilling going on but I know now I can’t deal with it the way I was. I need to remember my feelings matter as well as other people’s, I cannot fix everything and when the warning signs are going off don’t ignore them or I will get burnt again.
So my advice to myself and to others, if the warning signs are going off please don’t ignore them stop drop and roll into some self-care as it will save your life.
Take care all,