My last post I mentioned I was dealing with a low mood cycle, thanks again Cyclothymia! I wish I was completely out of that cycle but sadly I am not, I am better but still feeling pretty low, even though I have some great things going on at the moment. As we all know though you could have a rainbow but still have the rain. So I am fighting through it day by day with good methods and a few bad ones, to be honest.
So today I thought I would do a post with me addressing my depression by letter.
I feel sometimes I can’t either verbalize how I feel or I am too scared to because of that ugly thing called stigma. When I write though it just flows from my fingertips and that weight on my shoulders gets lighter with each word I type.
Here goes nothing…
Dear To Oi! Depression,
You are one twisted sick motherfucker; I could go on with the insults but why waste time. You have taken some the years of my life so far that should have been the best years of my life, away from me. Think about the times you made me feel empty, hopeless, angry, and suicidal. You fed me fears and lies, made my life such a battle. What did I ever do to deserve such a bad passenger connected to my life? Who has to pick up the pieces of the mess you cause? As you can tell I am pretty damn mad at you, I just don’t understand no matter how much I try, I just can’t get rid of you. Now and then you give me my space and those times are getting longer but then like a bad smell that has tried to be covered up with perfume you are back. Well, depression I am putting my foot down, enough is enough. Fuck you and your fucking friend anxiety, I am taking my life back one way or another no matter how many times you knock me down I will get back up and hit you harder.
This is your eviction notice basically, I am done with you, pack your bags and go back under that rock you came from. As I will never stop trying to get better, each tear I cry over you I will bottle turn it into strength, hope, and courage.
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, strike that I hope the door smacks you in the face!
Thank you for reading everyone, and if you are not a fan of cursing I do apologize but sometimes in my eyes cursing is needed!
Take care all