So I haven’t blogged for 4 days as my mind has gone through the blender, a low mood has just hit me at high-speed. Due to this, I have concentrated on just living my life, resisting the urges to stay in bed and hide from the world, eat my feelings (I am not going to lie to all I have done that one), not push people I care about away. I could go on as a hit of depression comes with many outcomes. Have I wanted to die this week? Yes. Have I felt completely out touch with the world? Yes. Have my colleagues at work been aware of this? No. Have done my day-to-day things like cooking and cleaning? Yes.
Storms don’t last forever, I have to keep moving forward even when I every ounce of my body and mind is telling me to stop, I know if I did stop I wouldn’t start again, the race would be over for me for a while, and fuck am I starting again I am not going back to that place.
So today’s post is a question a friend of mine asked me; “ when do you think you will get rid of your demons?” my answer was “never”. I have come to the conclusion that my demons will be until the day I die and there is nothing I can do about that. Let me get things straight this isn’t me dwelling on the past or holding a grudge, this is me excepting me for me.
I may have demons but I fucking dreams too, I have depression but I am still a happy person, I have anxiety but I can be a social person. I accept the angel and the devil that sits on my shoulder and I listen to both sides of the story before I take a step forward.
So to answer my friend’s question, I won’t get rid of my demons but I have put them on a leash. Sometimes they break free from that leash and run wild but sometimes the leash is so tight on them they won’t dare to move an inch.
To all the other people out there with the demons chomping at your feet, you are a badass it takes a strong person, even if you don’t think so, to go through life with those demons.
Life is about give and take, so try not to be disheartened when give you pain and hurt as you are able to take back control.
There is a song by Hozier that definitely describes lyrically what it is like to have those demons with you.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don’t you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash
Take care all,