anxiety · depression · mental health · PCOS

Food Not So Glorious Food

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Hey everyone πŸ™‚

Hope everyone had a great weekend! Firstly thank you to everyone who follows my little blog, I hit 200 followers over the weekend, it means the world to me that people take such an interest in my crazy little things! πŸ™‚

Even though this weekend wasn’t good or bad, I had really bad case of anxiety on Friday, which has triggered a low mood. I am now in a place where I am over thinking everything and it is hard to grab hold of the runaway train. So thank you bitch of anxiety for raining on my parade. Sometimes my low moods actually have a theme and unfortunately, this low mood seems to be focusing on my physical appearance, (insert eye roll). This is a hard subject for me, as it is something I am aware of but something I kind of don’t do anything about.

I have an unhealthy relationship with food and probably have for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, I do not see it changing for a long time as I think it is so second nature to me and I don’t know any different. I have spoken to my therapist once about it at the beginning; it’s now though a subject I avoid to talk about at all costs. I am the type of person you can call stupid or a bitch or rude but mention anything and I mean anything at all related to my size or food and it is like a stab to the heart, I just can not handle it. Even if it’s a compliment like β€œ oh you look like you have lost some weight” my mind automatically goes well that person thought you were fat you know that right. (Why oh why is my mind against me).
I know the start of my unhealthy relationship is when I was younger and I was criticised constantly by my parents about my size and what I ate, but why doesn’t there seem an ending to the relationship. I have been on and off diets for about 20 years now and still no smaller, I know I have PCOS which is a contributor to it as it is harder for me to lose weight. But because of what went on when I was younger I know have little habits of when I eat things that are deemed as unhealthy, I hide the evidence down the sofa or under a chair. Yes, I know the best place would be in the trash, but in my head, someone will check there and know it was mine.
As a way of explaining and a way of me accepting I have a problem these are my food struggles:

β€’ Hiding evidence of eating unhealthy food.
β€’ Stress eating, no self-control due to the emotional connection with food.
β€’ Struggle to eat in front of people.
β€’ Can’t eat certain food, due to a phobia developed from being force-fed them.
β€’ Sickness and shame nearly after every meal.
β€’ Constant need to diet.

See guys and girls even though I think I can come across as someone who has a handle of things with their mental health issues, I still have struggles and flaws that I need to overcome. I am still a work in progress.

Take care all
Vixxy Rose
XXX

16 thoughts on “Food Not So Glorious Food

  1. Omg I get you so much! This is pretty much my life. Only I vomit after meals. I have such an unhealthy relationship with food. I hope one day you can overcome it. I just know you can. Just take your time. You’re stronger than you think you are.
    And I just love your blog. I love when you add posts. It makes me happier. Thank you ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you your kind words always mean so much to me! πŸ’• I hope one day as well you can overcome your own unhealthy relationship with food, from your blog I know you are strong enough too and I definitely am grateful for the friendship you have shown me on here πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This must have been a hard one to write, but I love how you manage to really put all of you in to your blogs. I can relate to parts of this, and have jotted down my insanely bad comfort eating as a possible post down the line.

    I hope opening up about a topic which is hard for you is a starting point to overcoming, or at least helping with it.

    Also, well done on 200 ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Congrats on 200 followers! Sounds like you’re very self aware and understand the causes for eating problems. I’m sure you will keep moving forward one step at a time, one day at a time, Just remember there’s no “right” time frame for this. It will take as long as it takes to heal. Best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

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