Hey everyone 🙂
So today I was doing my usual browsing of Pinterest, that app is so addictive, am I the only one who has basically Pinterested (is that even a word) their life for the next few years! Well because I love looking at the quotes, on my suggested wall a quote popped up which was kind caused a reaction like a little stab to the heart.
It was like one of those moments where time stood still, my heart-felt like it was going to beat its self out of my chest, the walls were closing in and mind was going a mile a minute. It may seem crazy how just words on a screen can cause that sort of emotional reaction. These words though, felt like I had written them myself.
These are the reason why it hit me so hard. I have 3 siblings and we are all so different and we all have our quirks, like most siblings. My one sister though, we were like chalk and cheese. We had your normal sisterly arguments, I take her stuff without asking or I was the annoying little sister who wanted to be around her constantly. Also great times like making up dance routines and watching Disney films together. Over time though our differences pulled us further and further apart, plus having six years between us meant when I was wanting to play while she was hitting her teenage moody years!
But other things came into play, I started to feel more and more my parents made out that my sister was the good daughter and I was the bad daughter. I was bullied at school she was popular. I wanted to stay in bed as long as could she would get up and early and help around the house. She grew up to be a beautiful woman and I was the fat ugly one. I was always told to suck in my belly put on diets from the age of 10 and was humiliated when clothes wouldn’t fit me when they fitted my sister at a certain age. I remember writing a letter to my sister and sliding it under her door, asking her to show me how to be like her so mom and dad would love me. There were times where my parents would even involve my sister in things with me when I did something wrong and it definitely caused more strain to the point where we just stopped talking altogether.
But now years later I can say my sister is one of my best friends, there was a family situation last year that brought us closer together. We are still very different people but have accepted that about each other and learned to build a bond. I speak to her most days and I now can speak to her about anything and I will never let anything get between us again. I don’t know what I would do with out her.
I now know in a way my parents wrongly (even though they would disagree with this) loved us and treated us in different ways, to the point where it felt we were pitted against one another. It was helpful to them in a way we did not get along. For a long time, I felt like I lived in her shadows and I had a lot of jealousy towards her. My opens have been opened and I now realize that she has her own issues and problems like myself, things were not as rosy as I thought there were for her. I am so proud of the strength she has and the woman she has become and I can definitely say I look up to my sister for all the right reasons.
Take care all