Hey everyone 🙂
Hope everyone is having a good week, not far off the weekend now (inside cheer!). I had some good news this week my new job has moved up my start date so I will be starting on Monday eeeek!! I am so excited and so anxious at the same time. What if people don’t like me? What if they are mean? What if I am rubbish at it? So on and so on…. Yep thank you bitch of anxiety for butting into my life when it is going ok, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
This week I have noticed a few people tweeting about the same thing, losing friendships because of their mental illness. It definitely struck a chord with me and made a rush of emotions and memories come flooding through my mind. So I thought I would approach this subject the best way I know how. So many people have lost friendships due to friends not handling their mental illness very well and this is my experience with it.
This is a letter to my ex-best friend…..
To my ex-best friend,
So what has it been now 5 years since we last spoke, well I say spoke but the last words we spoke to one another weren’t exactly pleasant. So a lot has changed in these last 5 years, I hear through the grape-vine you have a son now and you have fixed things with your mom I am so happy for you.
Wait a minute what am I doing! Why am I being so nice? I hate to admit this but I am still angry with you, I treated you like a sister, I helped you when no one else did, I stuck up for you when people were upset with you, I helped you whenever you needed it. How do you repay me? By turning your back on me again when I needed you the most. Yes twice I forgave you the first time against my better judgment and everyone else telling me not to, and no matter how there are still times now where I miss you, I will not forgive you again.
We were two peas in a pod, we did everything together we had similar issues. Both our home lives were unstable and yes there were times you stood by me as much as I stood by you so what changed? You took me in when I was kicked out and yes I was not the best houseguest but I tried my best. I would have gone to the end of the earth for you and how do you repay me when I decide to leave, by destroying everything I owned, including letters I had from my nan before she died. How could you do that? You know how much she meant to me you had the same relationship with your nan. Instead of coming to me you had a problem with me staying you just decided to alienate me from my friends and decimate my character even to my own family.
As usual, I forgave you didn’t I! A friend of ours calls me a few months later telling me she was worried about you and your behavior, and what do I do I come over the next day and try to talk to you but you turn me away like I was nothing. But eventually, we did fix things again we were back to 2 peas in a pod. We were hanging out every day again with our other friend having laughs making memories. We were the three amigos! Remember the time we went to theme park dressed as pirates 🙂 The late night meet ups at the park as we didn’t live that far away from one another. But I was struggling I wanted to tell you I really did I didn’t mean to lie and make excuses for not meeting up. Home life was getting bad again and my depression was just wearing me down day by day I didn’t know what to do. But if you remember I did come to you and tell you and what did you do, you came into my home and flushed my anti-depressant down the toilet. It was my choice to take them not yours. So I stopped coming out and was making stupid decisions and yes I lied but I felt like you were treating me like a child telling what to do. Then one day you turned your back and told me you wanted nothing to do with me, you used my issues I confided to you against me. Told me what a bad person I was and again just turned so cold, didn’t 7 years of friendship mean nothing to you! Ok so you didn’t want to be my friend anymore fine but there was no need to do the things you did. Like the time when our friend’s mom passed away and I told you and then you proceeded to say I was using a dead woman to try and talk to you again. How sick do you think I am!
I could go on and on. But you know what I do wish you well even though you turned your back on me. I know I have issues and I accept that. But you my dear have demons yourself and one day you should face them too.
Well thank you for the memories