The Thing We Can’t See

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Hey everyone 🙂

Hope everyone had a great weekend; mine was definitely different but fun. Even though I can feel a low mood slowing seep into my body like a poison, I wasn’t going to let life just rush on by. There was kind of mini school reunion happening on Saturday night and I have been umming and ahhing over it for weeks now. As I have previously stated school was not exactly fun for me but there were people going who I would love to see again. So Saturday comes around and thanks to some kind words of encouragement off some old friends who were going to the reunion, I decided to bite the bullet and go. Yes, my mind was making a full detailed argument. No one likes you! They will laugh at you! No one will talk to you! You will embarrass yourself! Oh yeah, my anxiety was being a right chatterbox but behind all those loud thoughts talking over one another, there was a whisper trying to be heard saying go it will be ok. To cut a long story short, I did go and it was an amazing night I spoke to people who I haven’t spoken to in a long time I spoke to people who I never spoke to at school. We laughed, we drank, we danced, we drank some more and yes there were moments of the night where I sat in the toilet and had to calm myself down from a panic attack but it was worth it. Best night I have had in a long time 🙂

So this brings me to my tip of the day……..Strength!!!

There are many forms of mental illnesses, with varied symptoms, but they all have one thing in common. They all have the ability to make us feel weak and worthless, they can strip us down mentally and physically. Most the time though these debilitating thoughts are just smoke and mirrors it’s not true, but when it is your own mind telling you this how can you not believe it.
So to deal with that and still get up most mornings and carry on living your life the best you can, shows some serious amount of inner strength. You can’ t see it, or feel it but that doesn’t mean it is not there.

• So if you want to have a self-care day, it takes strength to admit that you need that time to yourself.
• If you go out to meet some friends even though your anxiety tells you not too, that takes strength.
• If you get up in the morning and get showered and dressed when you just want to hide in bed, that takes strength.
• If you share with some close to you that you’re not ok, that takes strength.
• To all those people who share their story where it’s a blog or twitter or any other form of social network, that takes strength.

Whether you believe or not, dealing with mental health problems is tiring, scary, and unpredictable but also the person dealing with it is strong, brave and a fucking badass!

Take care all,

VixxyRose

xxx

 

Improving Is Loving

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Hey, everyone 🙂

Hope everyone has had a good week and is looking forward to the weekend. In my last post, I spoke about focusing on the tiny victories we can have through the day and not realize it. So I have been writing down every day my tiny victories so when I am having a bad anxiety or feeling particular down, I have something to focus on. It really has helped 🙂
I have had a good run the last few weeks of just feeling myself more and more, a few dips here and there, I feel like the cloud of depression and the diva of anxiety just likes to pop in now and then to remind me they are still there.
Today though I felt that change already start happening as soon as I woke up, it had been a difficult sleep, I don’t know how well to explain it, I just can feel a mood change coming. Like an inch underneath the skin, you can’t scratch, a gut feeling something bad is going to happen, the hopefulness feeling I have had these last few weeks just trickling away. A low mood is about to stop at my station, which is funny considering I am always missing trains due to my lateness, why oh why can’t I miss this train.

So this leads me to my tip of the day…….. IMPROVE!!!

For years now I have tried to change who I am, what I look like, how I act, what I do, etc. (trust me I could go on). So instead of trying to change who I am, I need to learn to just improve who I am and forgive myself for the things I cannot control. I can’t control I have a mental illness, I can’t control I have PCOS and I can’t control how other people see me or treat me. So just my changing that word from change to improve, its turning a negative into a positive.
Things like:
• I am not going to see it as changing my weight I am going to improve my self-esteem and my body as a whole.
• Instead of trying to change my mental health and be in denial, I am going to improve my mental health and be better prepared for a mood changes.
• Instead of trying to change the world, I am going to try to improve it.

By changing that one word to improve, it’s lifting a weight off my shoulders as there is no fear of failing, improve is such a positive word and the smallest thing can count as an improvement.

• Taking care of your self better.
• Making time for your self.
• Doing something with friends.
• Reading more.

So if there are things you want to change, do you really need all that pressure that word entails? Improve your journey and lighten the load.

“We all carry our past. But it is a case of getting on with your life and improving it if you want to.” – Vinnie Jones

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading, take care all 🙂

Vixxy Rose

xxx

The Tiny Victories

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Hey, everyone 🙂
So new things have started already, exciting times ahead! I have now got a contact page yay! Finally, I won’t even go into the detail of the embarrassing story of me trying to figure it out it was a button click away oops! So please any inquiries please feel free to drop me a message. Most of you know I use my Twitter a lot I love the mental health community on there is full of some amazing people. I wanted to expand my communication with you all so not just do I have the contact page please feel free to add me on my new Instagram, you will find the link on the side.
I have some exciting things in my life happening, I have a new job (finally) I can not wait to start it in September, I finally feel I have found my feet a little in this crazy world, I don’t feel as lost anymore.
Let’s get to it then, my tip of the day is….. Tiny Victories!
I am as guilty as a lot of you in dwelling on the things going wrong in my life, which I forget about the tiny victories I do achieve.
For example:
• Getting up in the morning and getting dressed.
• Texting people back when you feel like pushing people away.
• Maintaining a normal eating and drinking habit.
• Going out to the shop to get essentials.
I could go on as there are tiny victories we don’t see that we achieve on a daily basis. Someone called me brave the other day because I have social anxiety and I still work. Straight I away I was like no way I am not brave at all, I have no friends at work and most the time I want to hide under my desk! There you see I have missed out on seeing my own little victory.
So I am going to start to write them down (because I have enough stationary to start my own branch of WHSmiths). So when I am feeling completely hopeless I have something to look at to show me I am not. One of them being is this blog I have been doing it for 4 months now and I never dreamed I would get the response that I have, that to me is a tiny victory indeed.
So have a think about your tiny victories, and please feel free to write them in the comments I would love to read them.
Take care, everyone,
VixxyRose
xxx

Liebster award

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What an interesting day it has been!
Today, I got nominated for the Liebster Award by the lovely prenika. Thanks for the nomination and to all people: if you don’t know her, you should defenitely check out her blog! Thank you again for the nomination.  It makes me so happy!
Okay, here’s the rules:
1) Post a short Q&A about themselves
2) Answer the questions the tagger has asked
3) Create a new list of questions for their own nominees
4) Choose a list of their own nominees and notify them
About me:
Q: Were you named after anyone?
A: Kind of. My middle name is Rose and it was going to be my first name for a while. Both my great nan’s were called Rose. Both were very strong smart women.
Q: If you could go back to any time, during your own life, when would it be and how come?
A: I would go back to when i was 10. My nan died not long after my 18th birthday and i used to go my nan’s every day after school, i would love to relive those days. Those were the best days.
Q: What are your Top 3 things that matter to you more than anything else in the world?
A: Hmmm the top 3 things I would say number 1 is my siblings, we have had some ups and downs over the years but i don’t know what i would do without them. Number 3 is my boyfriend, i don’t know what i would do without him, he is my bestfriend and truely the love of my life and has been for the past 5 years. Number 3 is, my friends, even though i met them through my boyfriend they have become people i love to spend time with and truly be my self around.
Q: What is your favorite sport team? Why?
A: I dont really follow sport to be honest.
Q: Favorite Music?
A: Music is my life! so hard to choose a favourite, i like everything from rock, Motown, rap and even classical.
The questions that have been chosen for me: 
Q:What is your biggest regret in life, and if you are okay with sharing, How come?
A: My biggest regret in life is the path i went down when i was 17-18, instead of focusing at school i let the bullies win and i lost my joy for learning. I regret this because i know i could have done better and gone to university but i chose the hard way in life.
Q:If someone just came up to you and offered a helping hand with anything you needed at all, what would it be that you’d ask for help?
A: I would ask for help with ending the stigma to mental health. So more people get helped without feeling they are being judged.
Q:What is the most interesting thing you have come across in the last 2 weeks? It can be anything, the news, an item, something you never knew.
A: Hmm the most interesting thing i have come across in the last 2 weeks, has to be, i never knew is the Mandela effect. It’s when people share the same false memory but is it false or is it we have gone into a parallel universe?!
Q:Are you more of a morning person or a night owl??
A: Night owl definitely I am vial in the mornings. i am the type of person who doesn’t like to be spoken to until i am fully awake.
Q:Are you the type of person who feels uncomfortable when a conversation about sex comes up, or are you one to jump in and join the conversation?
A: Erm no strangly considering my anxiety, sex is normal thing don’t think anyone should be ashamed to talk about it.
My questions for you are:
1) If you could go back on time to any point where would you go and why?
2) What is your favourite quality about yourself?
3) If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
4) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

I nominate:

 Neurodivergent Rebel @neurodivergentrebel
livien1995  @livien1995
life as Kaylee @lifeaskaylee24
Ryan Harbold @thedailyblurblife

Thank you for the nomination @dfriend1991 i really appreciate it 🙂 helped put a smile on my face 🙂 and to the ones nominated i love your blogs and you have all been very supportive of mine. Good luck!

Take care,
Vicky

Shadow Of The Day

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Hey everyone!

This is not my originally planned blog I was working on, due to the sad news of Chester Bennington passing away from suicide; I am going to devote this blog to his memory.

Chester was the lead singer of Linkin Park, they created the way for nu-metal and even if you were not into that type of music I am more than positive you were a fan of one of their songs. He will be remembered by his beautiful but honest lyrics and his haunting vocals. He clearly met a lot of the people around him and his fans as the tributes pour in.

I remember when I started listening to them (borrowing my brothers CD’s) and I instantly was like I LOVE THIS BAND!! I was at the start of my emo phase in my life and probably the most difficult time. They have been slated time now and then because of their music changes but what the hell is wrong with that. But in 2007 my life and my mental health were on a downward spiral, and I saw no end to it. So it was one of the first times I considered ending my life. I remember one night I was sat in my room feeling very disconnected from the world. I was listening to a random play list drinking vodka with a bunch of painkillers next to me. As just as I had made the decision to write a note the song shadow of the day came on. I just stopped what I was doing and listened and I broke, I cried till there were no tears left. I felt like it was fate hearing those lyrics at that point and till this day I know that song saved me from taking my life.

From the people who I know who was a fan of him, there is something we have in common, and that Linkin Park’s music has saved their lives at some point. Their lyrics were so deep and filled with emotion and obviously a reflection of the turmoil he was going through with his mind for a long time.

 

So this brings me on to my tip of the day which is……. HELP!

 

Sadly he is not the only person who’s demons are just too much for him to handle, and it shows you that you can have the world at your feet but still deal with the bitch of depression. There are so many people out there who are dealing with mental illness alone and feels like there isn’t anything that can help them, I know I have been there. But you are wrong there is the help and support out there, the best thing I ever did was  admitting to myself and to others I needed help.

So there is one thing we can take away from the tragedy is this stigma linked to mental health problems needs to be wiped out. Please if you are suffering speak out to someone whether it is a friend, family member or doctor just someone. The weight you carry on your shoulders will lighten, by opening up not only are you helping yourself but you’re helping others. You are helping wipe out the stigma; you help others not feel so alone. So before you think it’s the end for you remember your story isn’t over with yet.

Stay safe out there people, we are all in this together.

Vicky xxx

P.S -EMO ME!

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Counting Sheep…..

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Hey everyone 🙂

Hope you all had a great weekend, I was a very busy bee this weekend, went to the cinema (war of the planet of the apes what a great film), it was my friends baby girl’s naming ceremony. So even though it was a great weekend seeing friends, it eventually caught up with me and by Sunday evening my diva of anxiety was tingling away under my skin. It felt like my thoughts were going 60 miles a minute just couldn’t seem to slow them down. Did I say something stupid? Did I look stupid? Do they really like me? Wow, my anxiety is such an attention seeking cow bag! Just let me have a great weekend without second guessing it, please.

So this brings me on to my tip of the day…….. REST!

Sleep one of my favourite past times, it is just as important as eating and drinking to a human being. My sleeping pattern admittedly is not great, I either can sleep too much or too little I am struggling to find a happy medium. My off such is broken and I really don’t know how to fix it but I am going to take the steps to improve it the best I can.
Sleep can do wonders for your body in so many ways, you recharge your batteries and it gives you mind some time to rearrange your thoughts into the right boxes up there.
The first step I am taking is routine, I am trying to do things that relax me every night an hour before I need to sleep. I say goodnight to the people I am talking to so I don’t have any distractions while I am trying to get settled. Mute group chats because even know I am going to sleep they could talk for hours and that “beep beep” is just too tempting for me to ignore. The second step I am taking is some nights I will have a nice hot bath with candles music, you know the typical girl’s stuff but you know what it works. I recommend getting into to bed earlier than you need to, get comfy and do something in bed for maybe 30 minutes, some people read some do adult colouring books, whatever floats your boat.
Now there are 3 things I have tried and tested and can work a treat on me to get me to sleep.
• Sleep hypnosis recordings on YouTube can work wonders. Some of them can be hit or miss and don’t work for everyone, my boyfriend things they are annoying for instance. But I have found some great ones for anxiety and depression. I will add some links at the bottom.
• Lavender spray, again this one I really wasn’t sure about but a friend recommended it to me. Smell is one of those senses that can evoke the mind just think of when you smell food cooking you are instantly hungry. A few sprays and your pillow smells like you have just washed them, you can’t beat that feeling of fresh smelling sheets. The spray definitely brings on feelings of relaxation.
• Valerian capsules, this are an herbal tablet I have tried on and off for a while. They actually have a multi use, they can be used to help anxiety as well as aid sleep. So my use for them has varied but I have always seen great results from them. You can get them from Holland and Barrett or other health food places and very reasonably priced.

Like I said at the beginning, I am not perfect and I a still trying to sort my routine out, but I think we all can relate to that feeling when we do finally get a good night sleep. We can go to bed feeling the weight of the world on our shoulders and then when we wake up it has lightened. I feel like under sleeping is a lot easier to fix then over sleeping when I am depressed, I am still trying to work on that.
Well, thank you for reading guys and girls. Pleasant dreams!

Vicky xxx

Two hypnosis channels I use.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9GoqHypa-SDrGPMyeBkjKw

https://www.youtube.com/user/jodywhiteley

PCOS And Me

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Hey everyone 🙂

I hope everyone is looking forward to the weekend I know I am! So I am currently coming out of a manic cycle to a depressive cycle and now I am feeling back to normal (well as normal as can be!). Like my moods, my life can be very up and down. I feel like I know what I want now (kind of); it has only taken me 28 years! This week has been a big week for me, I have accepted my diagnosis of having Cyclothymia, I have applied for my dream job and I have started the process with dealing with my PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). Also on top of that the normal day-to-day problems, bills, and relationships this is why I need a holiday!

I obviously blog a lot about mental health, there are many factors that influence mental health, lifestyle, the past, medical conditions etc. I posted before about PCOS, but since I am going through another stage with it at the moment I thought it was the time I talked about it a bit more. I know this condition has a big influence on my mental health due it being a hormone imbalance and it affects my everyday life and my future.

So in my post before about PCOS, I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 18/19 and I had known for a few years prior that something wasn’t right. Over the years I have learned to deal with it the best I can, sadly the help and support out there isn’t great for it, which is so infuriating. What people don’t understand it is not something that affects people with it once a month it is on going. The weight gain, the hair thinning the excess hair growth and the pain. Also, that is also linked with heart disease, diabetes, mental health, and infertility. Now tell me why this condition isn’t more looked into? Why isn’t there more help? Why is it when I go to the doctors they don’t want to know unless I am looking at trying for a baby, it’s not fair. I have lost count how many times a doctor has turned round and told me I’m over weight (dur I have a mirror), given me medication meant for people with diabetes, its soul-destroying that it feels like no one wants to help.
So it has come to a point where enough is enough, I am tired of periods that cause me to miss days off work because they are extremely painful, sucks the energy out of me and makes my life hell for 5 days. Also never knowing when they are going to happen, not exactly the surprise I want every month. I want to be able to go to the hairdressers more than 2/3 times a year because it causes me to have anxiety because of my hair thinning. It’s time to try to take back control!
Christmas last year was not full of joy for me sadly, me and my partner went through a miscarriage, with the awfulness of that situation wasn’t bad enough, my PCOS just got worse ever since, my weight has sky rocketed, my periods come and go as they please, it was the straw that broke the camels back.
So this last month or so I have done more research into PCOS, I have looked into the way I eat all I can say is thank you PINTEREST!!. I found so many articles about the low GI diet being a great diet for PCOS. I learned all about different food affect my hormone levels and insulin levels and I have started my journey with that diet. The worst part is no milk and cheese thinking about it makes me want to cry, it took me time to get used to almond milk in my tea. I will add some links at the end giving better information than what I could.
I am a big believer in natural medicine and I scoured the Internet for natural supplements to take and I have found a few things. I read up on castus tablets I saw a lot of good reviews on them helping fertility and balancing out hormones. Then I found MYOVA, finally something made for PCOS, the only thing out there that is. I haven’t tried them yet but I will be ordering them this month and I will do a post about them.
I have now been referred by my doctors to a fertility consultant. I went to my first appointment this week and it was amazing. They went through my blood tests with me and gave me some great advice about my diet. I have been booked in for some further blood tests and some scans on my ovaries and my one tube (I only have the one). I finally feel like a doctor is finally trying to help me, and I felt like a weight has been lifted.
PCOS has a big influence on my mental health, I have no confidence with the way I look due to my weight, I am petrified I won’t be able to have kids and it is something I think about on a daily basis and it really gets me down. But now I am on a journey with improving it and hopefully, I will see a positive effect on my body and my mind. I have linked my Pinterest to the page if you would like to have a look at what I have found.
Thank you again for reading 🙂

Vicky xxx

(THE LINKS)
https://pcos.com/vitex-and-pcos-a-remedy-for-pcos-symptoms/
https://www.myovacare.com
https://www.pcosdietsupport.com/pcos-symptoms/how-to-lose-weight-with-pcos/