A Difficult Subject

Hello everyone 🙂

Welcome one and all to my crazy little thing blog, so as you all know from reading my previous blogs, I have had a hard time lately. The downs have been really bad and the ups have been rare. So I am trying to find that balance again which is harder than it seems! Instead of babbling on I think I am just going to get straight to the point of this blog.

My word of the day is…… SUICIDE

I think it’s still such a taboo subject even within the mental health community. I think people are more comfortable with saying they are lonely, scared, hurt, etc. Even I would say I am not comfortable with sharing with people about my suicidal thoughts because my mind scares me at times I don’t want to scare other people. I don’t want people to look or treat me different because I have told them I have thought about how I think it would be easier if I weren’t here. No more pain, tiredness or confusion, maybe there would be peace, who knows!

I think what we see in the media these days about suicide have a positive and negative effect. I think that it is great that we hear more about people’s struggles in life with suicidal thoughts and tendency’s and it brings attention to it, which is definitely needed. It makes people like myself not feel alone with my battle with mental health. Also especially the sad news about young kids struggling with suicidal thoughts due to being bullied, which really hits home with me, is needed to make people aware actions have consequences words do hurt. I am hoping it will make people aware of this before they bully someone else. I also think bullying is just not just at school but in workplaces as well, not every personality gels well together, but that doesn’t mean that gives you the right to hurt someone emotionally or physically.

Another influence of suicidal thoughts I have found is day-to-day stress, from bills, work, relationships and to me, it’s when those things get out of control and on top of us, that’s when the struggles start. I will fully admit that I have struggled with debt and relationships and that has sent me to dark places in my mind, where I have got to a point where the hopelessness of those situations has made me mentally hopeless. We can be our own worse enemies, so when things get tough it has such a ripple effect on our mental state. I can say that I am probably getting suicidal thoughts 5 out of 7 days, and it is really hard for me to admit that, as I don’t know how to tell the people around me. Once I have got to that point in the vicious cycle it’s so damn hard to get out of it.

The negative effects I will say the media has on suicide are part of the reason I don’t divulge to people about my thoughts. It’s the stigma attached to it that I should be the dark person who doesn’t smile and you can’t say boo to in case it sets me off, which is not true. I have a sense of humor still; I can smile and can take criticism like everyone else. I don’t sit in a dark room cursing the world, I actually sit down and read and drink tea and watch tv I am not a basket case.

What I am hoping to achieve by writing about this is for others and myself to start feeling comfortable talking about the dark places our mind can go. Just because I can feel like this at times, it does not defy whom I am. I have decided to find a support group, as my first step, to help me with this before I start talking to friends and family about it. I hope that one day there won’t’ be any more stigma attached to it so people will get more open about talking about their struggles, so where we can share the good and the bad and be able to support one another with it.

Take care all, thank you again for the support.

Vicky

Hope is a necessity for normal life and the major weapon against the suicide impulse.

-Karl A. Menninger