Hi again 🙂
So it’s taken me a little longer to write a new post and the reason behind that is I have been struggling with my depression. Kind of dug myself in a deep hole and I couldn’t get out. Also with what happens in the last few days in Manchester broke my heart, those poor innocent people. I had to come off social media for a bit because of the constant bad news, mixed with fear and hatred, my mind couldn’t take it. I started questioning myself!
I fight every day to keep my head above water to survive because it can’t always be like this, can it?
This world – is it worth living for? Once all the stories came forward of superheroes (yes I said superheroes) that is what those people are. The people who helped in whatever way they could by offering shelter, lifts, and comfort, anything they possibly could. That is what made me start believing in hope again and started my climb back up this hole.
So after a difficult week you know what I realized, I realized that I hadn’t laughed in a long time. I hadn’t let joy in; it was like my body was just turning joy into negativity. Well, that was it I thought, I needed to bring humor back into my life, but how?
Watching a funny film was a temporary fix but that soon wore off. Went for a jog, again the same thing the joy didn’t last long. Ate my weight in chocolate; now that was good but then came the guilt. The back and forth was sending my emotions into a spin, so now I’m emotionally dizzy instead of depressed; I cant win!
So frustrating! I am 28 and I can’t control the simplest motions. This made me think though; maybe those bits of joy weren’t really gone, maybe they were just part of the very big puzzle that is my life. Maybe it was showing me that I am still capable of joy, that’s the point. Through the darkest of days, there is still a part of me that wants to be happy and that’s what I hold on to because I like to think when I’m not going through this turmoil I am quite a funny person. Yes, I am one of those people who laugh at my own jokes.
They say we have to get through the bad to get to the good, but why though? Some say its religion that God is testing us or punishing us. How is that fair?
Well lucky me! Can I finish the test now please because I get nervous during tests so I‘m going to fail? Because I am going through a bad time I’m going to set myself a challenge to keep myself occupied and help me at the same time. Each day I am going to do one small thing that brings me joy and add that piece to the puzzle and write about it each time so prepare for my first daily blogs.
Thank you for reading and I must say the response I have had from starting this blog has been inspiring and kind and I hope you enjoy what is to come. Take care everyone.